From YourBlackWorld.com
Jaleel White, better known as Steve Urkel from the television show, "Family Matters," was accused of beating his girlfriend, Bridget Hardy, who is also the mother of his 10-month old child. She reported the abuse to the LAPD, stating that White punched her in her breast implants while they were on the highway driving in their car.
Haiti's musician Wyclef Jean, left, arrives at the airport in Port-au-Prince on Wednesday, Jan. 13, 2010, the day after a 7.0-magnitude earthquake hit his country. (AP Photo/Lynne Sladky)
(AP)
Groups that vet charities are raising doubts about the organization backed by Haitian-born rapper Wyclef Jean, questioning its accounting practices and ability to function in earthquake-hit Haiti.
Even as more than $2 million poured into The Wyclef Jean Foundation Inc. via text message after just two days, experts questioned how much of the money would help those in need.
"It's questionable. There's no way to get around that," said Art Taylor, president and chief executive of the Better Business Bureau's Wise Giving Alliance, based in Arlington, Va.
Taylor reviewed Internal Revenue Service tax returns for the organization also known as Yele Haiti Foundation from 2005 through 2007. He said the first red flag of poor accounting practices was that three years of returns were filed on the same day — Aug. 10 of last year.
In 2007, the foundation's spending exceeded its revenues by $411,000. It brought in just $79,000 that year.
click to read.
Steve McClairin,36, is accused of placing his seven-year-old daughter in the dryer, shutting the door, and turning it on.
McClairin was arraigned Wednesday morning on a handful of charges, including two counts of endangering children, felonious assault, kidnapping and domestic violence.
Prosecutors say the accusations in this story are horrific.
"There's no explaining this type of activity, why any individual would place any human being or any animal or anything in a dryer is unexplainable and to a normal thinking person, there's no explanation and obviously this man has issues," said Mike O'Malley, First Assistant to Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Bill Mason.
TIGER Woods' wife Elin Nordegren wants a divorce, sole custody and half his estimated £370 million ($671 million) fortune, according to a newspaper report.
The superstar golfer has also reportedly reneged on a promise he made to his wife to go into rehabilitation to wean himself off the prescription drugs Ambien and Vicodin.
A close friend of Ms Nordegren told the News of the World: "Tiger was supposed to be working on getting better and he hasn't done anything. Instead he just went to stay with a friend and says he's 'trying to get better on his own'.
"Elin is livid he hasn't checked into rehab and gotten himself off his drugs. He's acting like a big baby," the source said.
"Now she wants 100 per cent divorce, 100 per cent custody of the children and half of everything. And she won't be changing her mind."
Viola Davis and Taraji Henson were both snubbed from winning an Oscar, but at least they were looking FABULOUS
Queen Latifah 
A side shot of the dress 
I guess Beyonce thinks the Academy Awards is more important than the Grammys 
Alicia Keys and Taraji...I am loving Alicia's dress, but she could have done without the wig
John Legend and his girlfriend
Labels: Academy Awards, black celebrity gossip, red carpet
posted by N. Taylor @ 12:25 AM 0 comments
Every woman knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit... until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he's springing for a rock. Single women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with, i.e., The One. But that's not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of "If Men Could Talk." What, then, does it take?
"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he's not in a marriage mind-set yet, he's not going to commit to anyone... not even Gisele.
In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.
"Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind." To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.
A week after allegedly beating and bruising his pop-star girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released an apologetic statement Sunday via a representative that also discounted media reports claiming he'd commented about the incident on Facebook.
Chris Brown leaves his hotel on January 31, 2009 in Dublin, Ireland. A week after reportedly beating and bruising his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released a statement via his spokesperson.
"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person," Brown said in the statement released Sunday evening.
"Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong," the statement said. "While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."
While Rihanna has yet to speak out about the alleged fight, her father, Ronald Fenty, said that Brown hit her in an interview with People magazine Saturday. Describing Rihanna's current condition after seeing her Thursday, Fenty said, "There is some bruising. She will be all right. I think so." "At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world," he said.
Brought to you by The Great Black Speakers Bureau - The #1 Black Speakers Bureau in the world.
To get financial advice from Dr. Boyce, please visit www.DrBoyceMoney.com. To see video commentary from Dr. Boyce, please click here.
Dr. Boyce Watkins
FYI: I should be on the NPR show "Tell Me More with Michel Martin", a journalist for whom I have tremendous respect. We recorded today with Shelby Steele, a conservative scholar out at Stanford and another scholar named Jon Powell, at Ohio State. The conversation is interesting, and I recommend you give it a listen. You can learn more about the show at this link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/tellmemore/.
I also got another call yesterday from "The Big O"...yes, you know who I am talking about. Apparently, there is some interest in my Financial Lovemaking Book. I'll keep you posted on that one, since I am not 100% sure if my demographic matches that of the Great Ms. Winfrey. While I feel that Financial Lovemaking can work well for her audience, my alignment with the hip hop community may make for an awkward fit. The fact that I engage in critical analysis (meaning that no one is 100% good or 100% bad) means that I sometimes make enemies in this game because of my refusal to kiss anyone's butt too much. But I do give respect where it is due, and I consider Oprah to be an amazing role model for all of us. The same goes for President Obama.
In light of the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming, I was thinking about the whole idea of love. I must also admit that I thought about love when I noticed the singer Chris Brown might have ruined his career in this mad situation with Rihanna (apparently, there may be some abuse in that relationship, I’m not sure). Either way, I think that anyone who has been young and in a relationship understands how stupid and crazy things can happen. I’ve never considered Chris Brown to be a bad person. But he may have done a bad thing.
Seeing the huge loss that these two young people may have imposed on their lives (Chris and Rihanna), led me to reflect on love and what it means to me. Here is my personal perspective on love….love it or hate it (haha).
What Love Should and Should Not Be
By Dr. Boyce Watkins
I’ve lived a bit of life and made my share of mistakes. But as a professor, I am trained to learn from poor choices and grow from them. Most processes have a purpose and a pattern. If you think hard enough and honestly confront your failures, triumphs and observations, you can usually walk away with a bit of insight. The term “No pain, no gain”, can certainly be applied in the game of love, and I intend to gain from my own personal portfolio of blissful heartache.
So, I’ve come up with some “Rules of Love” out of respect for Valentine’s Day. It’s not scientific and not a fit for everyone. But it comes from the head, the heart and all the other body parts I can’t mention in this article. So, at least you know it’s sincere.
Love should be RESPECTED: One of the silliest things I see in some relationships is that people seem to be most interested in chasing the person who loves them the least, while kicking their greatest admirers to the curb. They choose the best option they can GET instead of the best option they’ve already GOT. There is something that people love about a challenge. It can be a natural instinct to equate kindness with weakness and easy access with a lack of value. Many of us are guilty of crying over the person who ignores us and ignoring the person who cries for us. Someone who gives you their heart can also take it away, so we must respect those who’ve truly earned it.
Love should be EXPECTED: Part of the reason that some of us spend our time chasing the loser who doesn’t love us is because deep down, we feel that someone who cares for us must be flawed or unworthy of our time. On the other hand, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself when you see that the one you usually want doesn’t want you back. The truth of the matter is that if someone disrespects the appreciation you are showing toward them, then they don’t deserve your love anyway. You should love yourself enough to walk away from those who choose not to treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Love should be given to YOURSELF: Part of demanding the love that you deserve is engaging in the difficult art of SELF LOVE. Many times, we look in the emotional mirror and see blemishes, flaws, faults, mistakes and the ugliest sides of who we are. Rather than greeting the world with our heads held high, we keep our heads down and hope no one notices that we are not as good as everyone else. Loving yourself is similar to learning to love another person: there is a point where you must simply accept the flaws. You must realize that you are no more defective and no more perfect than everyone else, and that you too deserve to be happy. If you can’t love yourself, then it’s damn near impossible to truly love someone else, since you are only offering them what you perceive to be damaged goods.
Love is meant to be CELEBRATED: I’ve admittedly never been able to fully grasp the concept of homosexuality, but I’ve never had a problem with gay marriage. One thing I believe is that love was created by GOD: that includes love between a man and a woman, a man and a man or a woman and a woman. There should not be religious, social or racial boundaries imposed on meaningful love, for we do not get to choose the shape, size or complexion of the package. When God blesses someone with such a powerful connection, this love should be celebrated by all of us and not judged or held in contempt. Melting someone’s halo of happiness by dousing it with a flood of hate is a counter-productive use of our time and a wasteful spiritual endeavor.
Valentine’s Day is meant to be YEAR ROUND: You should not need a special holiday to show someone you love them. You should tell them something good, positive, and affirming every time you see them, because this will make that person feel good. You should not need corporate America’s permission and some hyper-commercialized holiday as your excuse to show affection. I encourage you to say ten nice things per day to people you care about, which may include complimenting them on their clothes, their hair, their personality, their beauty or their presence. It will make them feel good and leave a lasting psychological impact. Our words are “emotional money” and we should be consistently making donations.
Love should be REFLECTIVE: The hardest way to get what you want is to selfishly pursue it, take it or relentlessly absorb it. That’s like waiting for your paycheck and never showing up for work. If you are in a truly loving situation, you get what you want by REFLECTING IT. If you WANT more success out of life, you GIVE more hard work. If you WANT better grades, you GIVE more time to the library. If you WANT more appreciation from your partner, you GIVE more attention and affection. If you choose to share your love with someone who deserves it, then they will give the love right back to you, with interest. Like a healthy economy, the cycle will become recursive and productive trade increases the value of each partner’s “Life Portfolio”. In pleasure, pain and everything in between, to get more, you must give more. You must also make payments in the currency deemed most valuable to your partner. There’s no way around that fact.
Love should be PRACTICED: Love is not just a feeling, an emotion, a whim or something that makes your skin shiver. Loving someone is a DELIBERATE ACT and a series of habits designed to sustain and maintain the relationship you have with one another. The work of the greatest writers in history was not always driven by inspiration and a desire to write…..sometimes, it was the act of sitting down each day and forcing themselves to write which eventually inspired them to do their greatest work. In other words, love is a series of proactive habits, choices and behaviors that correlate with your desire to have a meaningful and stable relationship with another person. It’s not something you just randomly “fall into” and “out of”…..it is something you choose to do.
Love should be CONTEMPLATED: When it comes to dating, I tell my daughter and God daughters the following: “If a man is not someone you can see raising your children, then don’t even go out on the first date.” They look at me like I’m crazy, but the point is simple: While you cannot easily choose to release yourself from the psychological grips of love, you have some ability to choose who you are going to fall in love with in the beginning. Most of us don’t meet someone and decide that we are going to be with this person for years. There is always the first glance, the first date, the first kiss, the first touch, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a situation that doesn’t make any sense to you. So, if you don’t start with point A, you can never reach point Z. This makes the most sense when you can see that point Z is not the place you want to visit with this particular person.
Love should be REMEMBERED: A big challenge for many young or single people (and even those who are married) is that we spend our time chasing the love and affection that is most intriguing to our hormones, while ignoring the love that is most tried and true. A man might spend hours on the phone with a pretty lady who doesn’t even like him, but simultaneously ignore his grandmother who would gladly give her life for him. Valentine’s Day is not just the day you send “sweets to your sweetie”. It is also the day you shower love on your mother, brother, sister, father, best friend, homeboy, children, grand parents and all the people who will love you long after your sweetie has become sweet on someone else. In the city of love, new buildings are shiniest and most appealing. But the older buildings are the sturdiest and most enduring.
Love is LIFE: Not only does the act of love create and sustain life, it is also the greatest part of our journey through life. We may or may not remember or be inspired by our professional or educational achievements, but we have an immediate and powerful emotional reaction when we reflect on the love we’ve experienced over the years. Thinking about children, family or ex-lovers can create an emotional response that can’t be matched by a corporate job or advanced degree. I tell my students that one of the most important decisions they will ever make is who they choose to spend their lives with. I’ve seen many people drive themselves down the path to hell by choosing to share their love with someone who deserves it the least. Like the most amazing roller coaster, the journey of love is long, complicated, exciting, scary and fulfilling. So, while we’re on this journey, we should make sure we turn on the GPS.
Happy Valentine’s Day and I hope this day inspires you to find the love that exists in your life. It’s all around you if you learn to look for it. Even in an economy like this one, the love in your life can make you a billionaire.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University. For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.
By Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD
Recently, New York Knick’s basketball player, Eddy Curry, a married father of several kids, received notice of a sexual-harassment lawsuit by his former limo driver, Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky is alleging that Curry tried to solicit gay sexual activity from him while working as a 24/7 chauffer for the NBA hoop star and his family.[1] With the national press coverage of this story, I am reminded of the movie,Cover, which explored the current situation that appears to be facing many black families. Cover is a film about a devoted, churchgoing wife, and mother whose faith is shattered when she discovers that her husband is living a secret double life.[2] Also, there is a 30-minute internet movie, Results, which tackles the same type of betrayal and shows how the couple tackles it in the span of one night.[3] So, as it relates to married men who happen to cheat on their spouse on thedown low, I ask, what’s love got to do with it? I understand the question is paying tribute to the hit single by Tina Turner. However, I think people should explore the reasons why married men choose to cheat on the down low and should a wife, who takes a vow of fidelity with her husband, continue in the relationship after discovering the betrayal.
People might ask why a lawyer would write an article on a social topic such as married men who cheat on the down low. Well, a lawyer is considered an attorney and counselor at law. When a wife chooses to get a divorce due to infidelity from their husbands cheating on the down low, it is important for lawyers to understand the origin of the relationship and what caused the heartache to their client so that they can effectively provide legal advice and counseling for their client. In a majority of states, infidelity is just one factor in how marital property is divided between former married couples. Even though a wife might want her husband, who cheated on the down low, to get nothing and pay dearly for the betrayal, the courts in a majority of states will not find fault (e.g. infidelity) a determining factor in the division of marital property. Therefore, it behooves the lawyer to try other methods of counseling to explain the law to jilted married clients.
This article will analyze the meaning of love, the reasons why people get married, and what actions people should take to minimize the potential of being married to men who cheat on the down low.
Meaning of Love
Love has many meanings. Webster dictionary defines Love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (e.g. maternal love for a child).[4] Also, love is an attraction based on sexual desires (e.g. affection and tenderness felt by lovers).[5] Love is also an affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (e.g. love for old schoolmates).[6] Also, love is a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion (e.g. love of the sea).[7] Love can also be used as a term of endearment.[8] Love is also the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.[9] Love is a sexual embrace.[10] In all, love embraces a form that is erotic, romantic, familial, platonic, and religious.
Similar to Webster dictionary, Christianity embraces four forms of love: Agapē, Philia, Eros, and Storge.[11] Agapē means charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional.[12] It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world.[13] It is the way God is seen to love humanity and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for others.[14] Philia is defined as the human response to something that is found to be delightful.[15] Also, it is known as "brotherly love".[16] Eros is defined as sexual love.[17] Storge is defined as the needy child-to-parent love.[18]
One thing that is fascinating is the explanation of what Eros is. Eros is a very passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.[19] In the classical world, the phenomenon of love was generally understood as a kind of madness or, as the Greeks put it, theia mania ("madness from the gods").[20] This love passion is best illustrated by a scheme involving “love arrows” or “love darts.”[21] The source of the arrows is said to be the image of the beautiful love object itself.[22] If the arrows arrive at the lover’s eyes, they would then travel to and ‘pierce’ and ‘wound’ his or her heart and overwhelm him/her with desire and longing.[23] This creates an image of an “arrow’s wound” where an oxymoron of pleasure and pain is created.[24]
As illustrated above, love has different meanings. Saying “I love you” to a person can mean a variety of things. The issue for married couples who are dealing with husbands who cheat on the down low isnot whether they love their wives. The issue is what type of love does husbands who cheat on the down low have for their wives. In my opinion, this is the heart of the conflict that exists between married couples who have husbands who cheat on the down low. Next, it is important to understand why people marry.
Why People Marry
Marriage is a social, religious, spiritual or legal union of individuals.[25] People marry for many reasons, but usually they marry for one or more of the following reasons:[26]
· legal, social, and economic stability;
· the formation of a family unit;
· procreation and the education and nurturing of children;
· legitimizing sexual relations;
· public declaration of love; or
· to obtain citizenship
In almost all Protestant forms of Christianity, they hold marriage to be ordained by God for the union between a man and a woman.[27]They see the primary purpose of this union to be to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world.[28] Other secondary purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings.[29]
Like love, people marry for a variety of reasons. What is extremely interesting is that when protestant Christians marry their primary purpose is for the union to glorify God. One example of the betrayal for protestant Christians is when married men cheat on the down low. This action is not one that glorifies God especially when the bible states that men (or women) who practice homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God.[30] So, the conflict exists and men and women need to be aware of who their partners are before entering into marriage.
The Reality of the Conflict of Down Low Activity with Marriage
Some married men who cheat on the down low believe that down low activity is similar when men cheat with other women. I beg to differ. As these movies illustrate, a woman cannot compete with a man sexually. Women and men are not equal in physical form. Men and women have different sexual features and different purposes of use for these features. I equate the differences between men and women similar to placing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Do like parts unite or do opposite pieces fit together?
If a married man cheats on the down low, they have a sexual attraction for another man. Sorry ladies. Physically, there is nothing you can do, except do a sex change, to sexually fulfill a man who wants to sleep with other men. A married man might love his wife, but the sexual love a wife is craving from her husband does not exist the way she wants or believes it should exist especially if this type of infidelity occurs after the coupled exchanged wedding vows to be married. There are always signs of men who have a sexual attraction for another man. However, you have to open your eyes and find out who your spouse truly is before you enter into marriage.
Attributes of Counseling Before Marriage
One way to discover whether your significant partner is ready to be married is to participate in marriage counseling. In essence, you are treating your marriage as a long term investment and gathering as much information about your spouse before you enter into marriage. As illustrated above, love has many meanings and people marry for different reasons. Just because someone says “I love you” is not all you need to know to venture into marriage. What a man and woman need to find out from each other is what type of love exists and is it reciprocally felt. If your potential spouse only feels an admiration for you and you feel romantic love for that person, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to the person. Also, what are the reasons why the man and woman are getting married and is it reciprocal. If your potential spouse wants to get married to obtain citizenship and you want to get married public declaration of love, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to this person.
Ideally, married couples expect their spouses to solely want them only. They believe their spouse will be the complement human being to help fulfill their needs mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No one is perfect, but the union of a man and woman is expected to be one that works to perfection as seen in God’s light. When married men cheat on the down low, there is an erotic and sexual attraction for people of the same sex that their wife can’t fulfill. A potential spouse needs to know this before hand and not marry the individual especially if they seek their spouse to solely want them only.
Effective marriage counseling will be able to discover the compatibility of the couple. Marriage counseling should emphasize substance over form. The counseling should explore the type of love that exists and if it is reciprocally felt. Also, marriage counseling should explore the reasons why each person wants to marry and whether it is reciprocal. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with doing an extensive background check on people before getting married. When you choose to marry someone, you are making a societal and private contract that this individual is someone you will honor and cherish, to have and to hold, until death do you part. With any type of long term investment, you need to know what you are getting into. This is not to say that marriages will not have problems, but if you choose someone to be married to you, you are making a long term investment in that individual expecting that the good will outweigh the bad. Know what you are getting into so you canminimize suffering betrayals like having married men cheat on the down low.
Legal Disclaimer: This site provides information about the law designed to keep readers informed of pertinent legal matters affecting the African-American community. But legal information is not the same as legal advice -- the application of law to an individual's specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, we recommend you consult a lawyer in your specific location if you want professional assurance that our information, and your interpretation of it, is appropriate to your particular situation.
[1]http://www.nypost.com/seven/01132009/news/regionalnews/knick_gets_called_for_sex_foul_149982.htm
[2] http://www.coverthemovie.com/
[3] http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi3195994137/
[4] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Love
[5] Id.
[6] Id.
[7] Id.
[8] Id.
[9] Id.
[10] Id.
[11] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(religious_views)
[12] Id.
[13] Id.
[14] Id.
[15] Id.
[16] Id.
[17] Id.
[18] Id.
[19] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_(love)
[20] Id.
[21] Id.
[22] Id.
[23] Id.
[24] Id.
[25] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage
[26] Id.
[27] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_of_marriage
[28] Id.
[29] Id.
[30] 1 Corinthians 6:9
