Dear Black Man,
I have become a woman that you no longer recognize. I have allowed our enemy to impregnate me with his ideas and thoughts. I have allowed an illusion of independence to keep us separated.
I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees places me degrees above you.
I humbly come to you asking forgiveness. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not supporting you. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not truly loving you. I was taught to hate myself, then hate you. My desire to reproduce you was killed by our enemy.
I apologize for teaching my daughters that you will fail them, and continuing the cycle of an illusion of independence with them.
I apologize for not encouraging you, for not being more patient with you, for not understanding your plight, your trials and your tribulations. I apologize for thinking in order to gain strength I had to weaken you. I apologize for disturbing your peace, in order to have peace within myself --- or what I thought was peace. My life has been in peril without you. I tried to convince myself that I don't need you, but you are a necessity. I can't even continue the cycle of life without you. I apologize for my harsh tone, for using my tongue as a sword, for telling you that you are nothing; when, in fact, you are everything.
I apologize for mistreating you, disrespecting you, neglecting you and belittling you. I know that I have aided in breaking you, and I am beneficial in rebuilding you. I am acknowledging the wrongs that I have committed against you, and I am confessing my faults. By acknowledging my wrongs, I am not absolving you of your duty; but, rather I am re-committing myself to my duty to you.
I have relinquished my womb from our enemy and I am returning it to it’s rightful owner --- you.
I tried to walk this journey of life without you; but, I realized that I should be walking this journey with you and beside you. I pray that you accept my sincere apology and that we can start the process of reconciliation; so we can love each other and have productive and successful relationships that will set the standard for our children.
Black Man, I love you.
Signed,
A Black Woman who concedes that her womb was one of many.
Nojma Muhammad
27 comments:
This is a "played-out" topic and story line. The Black women has always wanted the Black man to apologize to her for something as uncontrollable as fate. Get back to me when it's real!
But in this letter the black woman is offering an apology to the black man. Have we gotten to the point where we can't even hear an apology let alone accept it?
When you apologize, it indicates that you believe you are responsible and have done something wrong. I will apologize only after the BLACK KANGS THAT WANT TO BE LEADERS apologize to us for abandoning us, cheating on us, bringing home STDs and HIV, beating on us, lying to us and their children, and generally not being there the way they should be.
Women that grovel at men's feet to get a pat on the head get on my nerves.
I think, as Deborah demonstrated above, there a some people that cross the signals on this subject. The males you refer to aren't "Kings" at all. Just because you are of a certain gender, doesn't allow for instant title such as King nor Queen. Some people (men and women) speak outta bitterness from past woes and apply it to the gender affiliated masses, which will never allow for recognition of a real King or Queen upon their arrival. This isn't a letter of submission to a man. This letter is simply an open acknowledgment of their own issues and to others that may relate. This doesn't apply to all. No need to get mad.
Mello
Why couldn't this be a real apology? @Don Allen how can you tell that this woman is not apologizing from the heart? She is probably speaking for SOME women who feel this way.
Thank you for your "courage" & "consciousness". In failing to recognize that since "formal slavery times" there has been an insidious plot to destroy our community through disruption of the divinely ordained relationship between man & woman ... we fall into the pit dug by those who recognize and fear our potential as a people. It is far easier to blame each other than it is to accept & understand the "outside agenda". The consciousness that underlies an apology is called for on both sides of the equation. We men owe our Black Queens an apology for taking the "easy way out" and blaming and abandoning them in reaction to the seemingly unrelenting pressure of a society that expects nothing but violence, ignorance and disappointment from us. The unkindest cut ... is seeing this disappointment reflected in your eyes. But thanks for starting us on the path to healing a wound essential to the very survival of our community. The fact of 75% of our children born out of wedlock is a telling indicator of the magnitude of work that remains for us to do!
Thanx and accepting with open arms-signed a Black Man!
Learnn,
This typ of reaction is just what the letter is founded on. The inability of us as a people to come together. Don't internalize her remarks look at the broader aspect of what she is saying. We ( African Americans) Need to support each other and stop tearing each other down. UNITY!!!!!
When will be stop the pointing fingers and be about the task at hand.We all know the plight of our
people.If one has cancer, you don't blame the victim, you find a source of healing.We need to educate each other,no one is going to help us.We need each other!!
Who is going to educate this generation of young Men?,who is going to teach young women how to be a respectable lady? When do we confront the images that are so negative that our youth follow,When are we going to build business and handle our over 1 trillion dollars? We have the resources,we have to educate!!
Happily, I never lumped all black men in the same category. Like black women, there are all types. What I would like to see is black men who have families speaking out loudly and often regarding the baby daddy syndrome, (Jay-z are you listening?) as well as all the other issues in the black community that need to be addressed. Black women need to reach out (Monique is right on target! Love ya' sister!) to the young women who are having children outside of marriage with numerous baby daddies. (Beyonce sets a great example for our young women to follow). There is a lot of work to be done and no time to waste.
This letter addresses one of the current problems in our community.
After slavery ended many of our leaders believed that the ex-slaves should show the Caucasian people that we could be just like them. And that is what we have been doing since that time. That brought about many problems in our community. We became divided according to those who looked and acted more like Caucasians and those who didn't. Our women have been straightening their hair to make it look more like Caucasian hair (now straight hair weaves are the fashion) How could women who idolized the beauty standards set by Caucasian men really love the men of their own ethnic group? One of our national leaders said in the 1990s, "Black women don't belong to black men, they belong to white men." He meant that, accepting and trying to mold themselves into the image of what Caucasian men say beauty is, then mentally they belonged to them. Only when our women reject the beauty standards (straight hair, straight nose, lighter skin colour, thin bodies etc) set by Caucasian men and appreciate themselves the way G-D created them will they truly become our women. Our men also have a problem. Many of us have been deceived into believing the Caucasian beauty standard is best. But if the majority of our women stop imitating Caucasian women our men will start appreciating the magnificient beauty that G-D has given to women of African descent.
My Beloved: I deeply appreciate your commentary. I concur that 'americanization' has become the enemy of BLACKNESS. How can I best say this? Let me begin in about 1865. Though I did not live in that time, the record I have followed tells me that men who had been in the inferior status, in slavery or out, accepted a new status. There came an amendment that said they could vote. Though their Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, Grandmothers, Wives, Aunts and Nieces had been shoulder to shoulder doing the many decades of the struggle for manumission males allowed White males to define their freedom to vote on their terms. Hence, Black women were NOT allowed to join Black men in the exercise of voting. WHY, WHY, WHY?
I asked this question of 100 Black Men, Inc., in 2010. See a problem?
Sister Nojma Muhammad,
Much respect and appreciation to you for your letter!
As a young black man from the Netherlands I have to say that somehow you're letter inspires me to be a better husband, a better brother and a better father!
We as a people need to be open towards each other in order to HEAL.
The time of blaiming one another and point fingers is over.
Black men and black women should work on FORGIVING each other for the wrongsdoings that we have committed to each other if we want to grow as human beings.
As a black man, I too apologize for our wrongsdoings, because I believe that we (black men) in general have to appreciate, love, respect and worship the black woman much more!
Your message is well received sister Nojma, I definitely will spread the word, the positivity and the love to as much people as I can.
Have a blessed week!
Sister Nojma Muhammad,
Much respect and appreciation to you for your letter!
As a young black man from the Netherlands I have to say that somehow you're letter inspires me to be a better husband, a better brother and a better father!
We as a people need to be open towards each other in order to HEAL.
The time of blaiming one another and point fingers is over.
Black men and black women should work on FORGIVING each other for the wrongsdoings that we have committed to each other if we want to grow as human beings.
As a black man, I too apologize for our wrongsdoings, because I believe that we (black men) in general have to appreciate, love, respect and worship the black woman much more!
Your message is well received sister Nojma, I definitely will spread the word, the positivity and the love to as much people as I can.
Have a blessed week!
My Black Queen,
You have little need to apologize, but please understand that I accept your apology and I will do what I can to make sure that I am the King that is deserving of your love. There has been much miscommunication and divisive tactics on both sides of the equation that it is truly disheartening the chasm we've allowed to widen between us. I hope that through this and our work together we can bridge this gap and work towards a brighter future as King and Queen.
A Black Man seeking to be the leader that deserves the love of a Black Woman.
In any situation where there are 2 people with differences there may need to be a time for one or both to apologize for something said or done. When one cannot accept the other's apology then there can become a situation where trust can be lost. If we start to question the other partner's sincerity we start to destroy the trust. Accept the apology and then work towards trying to go higher and not stay stuck on this situation. Whether we like it or not, something else will come up and it may not even be related to this most recent event. That's life people.
This is a very good starting point. Let's not blow it this time, for time IS running OUT!
Peace & Blessings FAMILY!!
This letter of apology is a start, but what are we as black women really apologizing for? We have stood the test of time standing by our black men, through thick and thin, only to b let down time after time. And what about our black men, who now worship white women and leave us in the dark? The first signs of success and our black men goes out and gets a white woman, how r we to build stronger black relationships when our black men seem not to have the want and drive to make it work. Food for thought.
Nojma, underlying your open letter is the assertion that black women have somehow transgressed against black men. Your letter is flowery and heartfelt, but it's also abstract with nothing real that supports the basis for your so-called apology. If you have guilt feelings toward a specific black man, wouldn't you be better served by apologizing to him directly instead of writing a vacuous open letter that acts as if all black women have collectively engaged in some conspiracy against black men?
Secondly, underlying your open letter is an embrace of feminine submission to patriarchal domination. What is this crap about you "returning your womb" to it's "rightful owner"? Do you not own your own d*m@ womb?
Thirdly, and I hate to be guessing your business like this, but it sounds like you had an interracial child and now regret it...and that maybe this has something to do with your Muslim beliefs (and the possibility that you are a new/recent convert to a black nationalist muslim organization....and I'll leave that at that). Whatever the case may be, I think your guilt is wildly misplaced, that your view of black women is way, way off, and that you may need more personal relief and direct support than writing an open letter of this nature will give you. You sound as if you are suffering pangs of guilt as a black woman because you are being indoctrinated, and because your indoctrination is being presented to you as a route to mental liberation. Quite the opposite, I see your beliefs sprouting all kinds of imprisoning chains around your womanhood. You may feel like you've seen the light now...but give it some time.....those new chains on your ankle may look like gold, but try walking in them for a while...........................
Corbin56, you have spoken like a true mental slave. You certainly belong to massa.
African-American women have been trying to make themselves look like Caucasian women for over 100 years. Many African-American men (especially during the late 60s and early 70s) went after Caucasian women vigorously.
Think seriously my sisters, why would a man chose an imitation if it was possible to get the real thing? Stop trying to follow the beauty standard set by Caucasian men for yourselves.
@Anonymous: The only reason African-American women have done this is because she knows what many African-American want and she wants to be loved by him. I agree with you, however, that it doesn't work because it is only an imitation.
I can tell you this, though: IF darker black men started pursuing dark women who are in their image—dark skin, full lips, kinky/natural hair—everyone in and outside of our community would take notice and the order of things in the dating and mating world African-American community would complete re-arrange itself. If black men wanted the most authentic black women the way white men want the most authentic white women, black men would empower their own community instead of giving even more power to the already very powerful white community by coveting what is theirs.
I totally agree with you AtlantaJ.
For too long the darkest skinned members of our ethnic group have faced ridicule and humiliation from other African-Americans.
I pray that I will see a reversal of that way of thinking before I leave this life.
How can we reconsile our differences when we wont even accept an open apology? This letter acknowledges not only the female flaws; it also gives males insite into what black women expect of black men! Finally someone is bold enough to stop pointing fingers and assume some responsibility and i applaud her for it. I apologize for the womanizers, deadbeat dads, mentally and physically abusive clowns who pretend to be real men! You are our world and our future. I only ask that those who are beaten and bitter get better and make wiser choices in relationships. Lastly you cannot expect your black man or any man to respect you if you dont respect yourself!
I ask eveyone to read the willie lynch letter and a book called complementarity
We can all decide to agree not to agree and become an example and model for our younger generation, by stop being program, I am 55 years old and three ago I sat in my kitchen on Thanhsgiving with a friend and look at all the food I had cook, dishes I learned to prepare as a kid with my momma god bless her soul.
But you know what it just sat there because no one in my direct family would eat it, my son did not eat meat at all, I do not care for heavy food myself and it was at that moment I had to realize that traditions as anything else in life changes we have the power to change it its does not matter really at this point in time who did what we can agree that it needs to change both admitting that we both made mistakes will give the power to release the past and become the force that we are leaving the past behind and creating for our culture a whole new direction can we at lease try ?
tears, hugs, acceptance of your apology, kneels, clasps your hand, and apologizes in return. we as black people need to get over ourselves, and begin real dialogue to heal our community's wounds. it's bigger than our own lives, but many don't see that.
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