Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Yvette Carnell: The Case for Allowing Fathers to Opt Out of Paying Child Support

by Yvette Carnell, Your Black World 

Up at Black Like Moi, the question being asked is, if a woman can choose to abort a child, can a man choose not to pay child support? Or to put it less bluntly, if having a child is a woman’s choice, is it still a man’s responsibility? I’m sorry ladies, but this issue warrants a good airing out.

For my part, I’ve always believed that the divvying up of reproductive rights, and by that I mean men having none, is the main reason that some men feel no responsibility toward their kids. In their minds, the mother chose – on her own, usually without or against his input – to have the child so she bears the sole responsibility of caring for it. As a friend reminded me, you have to ask yourself; what if a woman was forced to carry a child to term against her will, what kind of mother would she be? Point being, anytime one parent is forced into that role against their will, problems ensue. It’s a breeding ground for resentment.

This question of choice, or lack thereof, is poisoning the well. Women have  the right to control what happens with their bodies, but since what happens inside a woman’s body can lead to a child, isn’t it fair to ask whether a man has the right to control when (or if) he becomes a father?

A man’s only control with regard to whether he’ll become a parent is at the point of conception, and granted, if both men and women exhibited more self-control here, this whole discussion would be moot. But the point is that although it takes two people to get pregnant, it is the woman’s choice to remain that way. This isn’t politically correct, I know, but it is an underlying cause for child abandonment.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. And so you can’t discuss what’s best for the child once it gets here without addressing how the choices were made before the child was born, or should I say, who held the authority to make the choice of whether or not the child even made it here at all.

To be fair, it does seem that the man should either a) have a say in whether the pregnancy is terminated or b) have an avenue to opt out financially (at least to some degree). I don’t like either of these choices but when I think of it only in terms of rights, it does seem clear that there is an erosion of the rights of men in the reproductive arena. Once the child arrives, the courts make provisions to secure the child’s best interest. And I totally get that. But again, at whose expense?

In our society women have the right to choose and men do not.  But society has no problem using all of the state’s resources to enforce the father’s parental obligations once the child is born. That, to me, seems a bit lopsided. It would seem that fairness would dictate that a man should have more reproductive rights, and if he can’t have more rights, then he should have less responsibility.

And for those who are undoubtedly going to accuse me of giving men an opt out button, all I can say is – look around. Men are opting out at record numbers already. The question is how do we bring them back? In my estimation, we could begin by being fair.

We women have always made the case that we own the rights to our bodies, point blank and period. It does seem that we prematurely ended the discussion. It’s time to start talking again.


Anonymous said...

Then should the man have no legal rights to the child as well- visitation, etc?

danny said...

Men do have a choice just as the women do. They have the choice of sleeping with a woman or not and the choice of using a condom. My grandmother always told me, be careful who you sleep with, they just might be the father of your kid. I have used that advice throughout my life and so should they. Why should women be responsible because men want to sleep around? This is back when your grandmother day when the women were just responsible for what happens. Men need to step up and take responsibility for their own actions and the part they played. I'm so tired of these men and the blame game. There are consequences to every action and we need to accept that. I'm surprised as a woman you take that position on this situation. A man will never have the option of opting out with me, only to opt in and pay for his half of the bad decision he made.

Anonymous said...

That's a shame miss Danny, that's why its so many kids around with out dads Amy

Charlemagne said...

@Danny you write as if you have personal experience with navigating child support issues. I can't help but wonder how many BDs you might have. and you make it seem as if the fathers are the only ones making "bad decisions". Surely, if he is a deadbeat, the mother should shoulder a good deal of responsibility for making the bad decision to lay down with a deadbeat. Should she not..??

i tell my teenager - EVERY time you lay down with someone, you could end up with a child. You should not lay down with ANYONE unless you are certain what kind of father they will be.

Exactly!! you cant be certain!!! Stop layin down miscellaneous cats.

OpenFist said...

Welcome to "equality". If you want to be truly equal, then this question has to be posed, and men really should be able to opt out. That's what freedom of choice truly means, right?

See, those old fashioned ideas of chivalry and honor towards women weren't so opppressive with regards to a man being expected to raise his kids, right? Well if women want absolute control, then they need to take absolute responsibility.

It is sad, really, because a man should be a man and take care of the child no matter what. But, with the legal system being the way it is, I can see why many men would want to opt out. And with some of the women being the way they are-----irresponsible, using children as emotional weapons, using children as a source of income----I can see why many men would want to opt out.

I HOPE it does not come to this, but it probably will. Why? Women screamed for what they say is equality which is really more like having the upper hand in relationships. So to balance things out, men will lobby for the right to abdicate responsibility and will probably get it.

Anonymous said...

Danny is EXACTLY RIGHT!! Men have a choice with whom they CHOOSE to sleep around with. Instead of screwing everything that moves. Be careful with who you sleep with. Take more time to get to know the person your involved with, BOTH men and women should have MORE RESPECT for their own bodies for one thing AND creating life. By the way I have one father (Hubsand/widowed) of my children if anyone was thinking anything else. Come on people take responsibility for your actions. I'm just saying :)

BPJ said...

Both parties go into any sexual encounter knowing that STI's or a baby can be the outcome. If a man does not want to be a father then he should use a condom and spermicide or practice abstinence. Abortion after the fact is not birth control but a delicate decision that not only affects the woman's physical health but can also affect her mental health, so she should have the biggest portion of the vote on that. There is also the adoption option if both parties agree. Now having said that, I don't believe that a man should be able to opt out of helping financially because he was well aware that a baby can be the outcome of intercourse and he proceeded. I believe he should be allowed to opt out of physically being present in the child's life. No one should want their child to suffer resentment for them being alive. But unless that woman raped him or stole his sperm, he should be financially supporting his child. The logic of opting out financially is akin to saying "I did not mean to get in that car accident so I don't think I should have to pay the damages to the other person, they should not have been driving down the same street as me anyway". That will not fly in a legal defense and it should not fly as a moral one. This is one reason we all need to keep our genitals to ourselves until we have had some fundamental conversations.

Anonymous said...

Have a vasectomy! Unfortunately, women can't have abortions without being pregnant first.

Men want to rule the world but don't want to take responsiblity when things go wrong!

Unfortunately, men don't value their bodies or sperm. They lay up with anyone and then try to blame the woman and then opt out of any responsibility.

Just silly!

RLGamer1981 said...

I myself, am going through a very different situation then most men opting to stay or go.

I was with a woman for 5 1/2 years. I loved her and her 3 month old daughter, who later became my daughter when the mother chose not to disclose the information to the real father. I'm the only daddy this child knows and has. Later we had 2 more children. Another little girl and a boy (now ranging 6, 4 and 2.) Times were tough and during our relationship, my wife decided that she wanted to pursue her career. With the increasing costs of daycare, there was no option but for me to become a full-time stay home father. A Mr. Mom.

For 3 1/2 years I played this role, cooking, cleaning, raising and playing with my children daily. I got into little habits, like checking on them while they slept, kissing boo boos and potty training, all without the help or aid of my now ex. Rocking them to sleep, blowing on their food, bathtime... just about everything needed as a parent to raise children. 1 whom I have no legal obligation to. I held part-time jobs when times got hard or around holidays, but still continued to do everything that was necessary to take care of the homelife and raising of the children. Now, I have 3 happy, personality and mannerful 3 children raised by a man who loves them dearly.

My wife, met another man. And that was it. I was fired from my job as a husband and homemaker. My wife moved to another state taking my children, getting pregnant and married to this new man whom my children now all call "daddy". (and it's not even a year since we've split) I see them 2 weekends a month (which has steadily been taken from me more and more) and miss them to the point where I cry myself to sleep some nights.

The system is definitely unfair. Biased to a degree that I can never come close to the amazing life I had. I've lost the most important things in my life and no court is ever going to award me custody or more than what I already have. And they will drain me of every last dollar I have, not awarding me anything extra or positive consequence.

Sure, I'm one of a few... but still screwed over by a system that is supposed to support justice and fairness.

Anonymous said...

For all of you especially women talking about a man knows a baby can come from sex so he can chose not to have sex therefore it's his fault etc. It is so amazing to hear this hypocritical statements & argue for a woman's right to abortion at the same time. You women do realize that in Rov vs. Wade attorney's arguing against abortions rights said the exact same thing to women. "Keep your legs closed" was the argument. Women of coarse said no they should be able to chose if they want to be parents etc. Keep it up ladies this is why more & more men will continue not to commit to a woman & I am among them.

Anonymous said...

With all of this being said no one has yet pointed out that women are also forcing men to care for children that are NOT theirs...and the courts are behind them! In my own experience I have seen good men sign the birth certificate of children they believe are theirs only to find out later on the mother was less than honest! Talk about being responsible, and this topic is very broard. The current laws stipulate that once the child is old enough to identify a man as his father, that man is held responsible for that child financially even if it's not his seed! Why is this the case??? In my opinion if a man finds out his lady was cheating and the child is not his (don't care the age) he should NOT have to pay for someone else's responsibility, and if she was confused and didn't know who fathered her child, it should be her problem and hers alone! We definitely need new laws on the books for the rights of men also!


Looking at the comments here from the women. They seem to be saying if you choose to have sex with them expect to become a father. Ladies is that your goal. Find some man willing to lay down with you solely for the purpose of getting impregnated and forcing him into paying you for the privlege for the next 18yrs. The value I see being placed on a human life...with no thought of the consequences has me shaking my head.Even if you do wait until you are married. You still end up pregnant too early in the relationship. All focus goes from. getting the man,to having a baby. How many of you lost sight of your relationship once you started popping out the kids. Some even before you were financially ready to have them. How many women actually consult a man before allowing themselves to get pregnant....I would bet very few. Because the man would tell you no. So men the women are right...if you want sex you have to pay....find a good prostitute. Sex workers can provide everything you need for a fee..same as these women and you won't end up stuck with a baby's mama.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why it is my contention that black women have done more to emasculate black men than institutionalized racism and oppression has!

Lack of value for one's self as a woman, trying to fulfill the super woman myth and destroying the "hunt" in black men by women who don't know how to keep a man strong and respectful of her and their offspring is arguably the worse crisis in the black community.

It all boils down to self hate, both from the male and the female perspective. Destruction of community begins with the destruction of a health family.

Black women stop emasculating black men by discouraging them from being responsible adults!

Anonymous said...

This is a very interesting and thought-provoking article. It reminds me of another article about six months ago that posed the question: if men should being able to get a "Financial Abortion?" in instances where a woman "intentionally" gets pregnant TOTALLY AGAINIST the man's clearly expressed wishes, desires and intent – see and/or GOOGLE Financial Abortion.
Our society (particularly African Americans) have gotten this parenting, fatherhood, motherhood, raising children, child support, abuse (not use) of the court / legal system to crush to death too many men, totally wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen: It’s All About YOUR Children ---- HELLO!!!! Once you become a parent, YOUR life is OVER – NOT ABOUT YOU ANY LONGER!
Too many women aspire to live their lives vicariously though their kids (if your life is so screwed up, over time the same thing will happen to your kid’s lives), while soaking the poor guys who so often get suckered into sex with you. At the same time, there are too many men (like the earlier post) who eagerly took on husband and fatherhood role (even with kids that were not their own) and absolutely did EVERYTHING they should have done, could have done and could think to do and STILL got shut out of the lives of their kids as a result of an evil, vindictive woman using the very corrupt court and legal system – which is also filled with evil, vindictive women (and men as well) who hate men.
Sadly, the kids see all of this hatred and drama, learn from it, mimic it themselves later in life and wither become the same type of perpetrators themselves (little girls) or become very fearful, vengeful and hateful of all women (little boys) – especially towards their mothers who they KNOW destroyed their fathers and their lives as well.
Jackie Kennedy-Onassis (wife of John F. Kennedy) is quoted as saying: Once You Botch Raising Your Kids, NOTING ELSE MATTERS! How prophetic.
We all need to answer and ponder the questions: Why are we here on the earth? Why did God give us life? What is HIS ultimate purpose for all of us? The answer simply is: Procreation. Procreation and consciously thought-out upbringing of children in God’s image in the form of wholesome morals, values and righteousness.
To succeed as individuals, families, communities, neighborhoods, states, a United States, a world and as mankind, we all have GOT to get this parenting thing FULLY BACK ON TRACK with the well-being of our children at the forefront of OUR lives.

Uncontainable Spirit said...

Dear Danny;

If women can choose murder over having a baby, why shouldn’t a man choose “neglect” over financial bondage? Exactly how is it more beneficial to society to allow women to murder babies they don’t want, but harmful to society to allow men to escape the financial burden of the choice the woman makes? Proving exactly who knew or intended what is still a problem, but one the pro-death people seem to not bother with when allowing women to murder their babies.

It just seems too horrifyingly twisted that we allow murder as “choice” and “privacy” but force men, who are not allowed any choice, to pay for that “choice/privacy” as a “societal necessity”. I’d say NOT MURDERING BABIES would be a much more important societal necessity.

And then the guy can’t argue there’s an unfair disregard for his choice.

Sooner or later, the courts are going to have to rule that if equal protection under the law is to have any meaning at all, men must have an equivalent right to opt out of impending parenthood. Either that, or choose openly between women giving up their right to an abortion or a =formal= declaration that men are second-class citizens.

The double standard has become so brazen now, that it’s become obvious to even the most obtuse.

Here is the situation... man and woman meet. (At this point they are both equal, they can both say "It was nice meeting you." and go about their respective ways or they can both move forward with getting to know one another.)

They are attracted to each other. (Again at this point they are both equally situated. They can both at any time say that this is enough and leave... no harm... no foul.)

They both decide to have unprotected sex. (They are equal at this point. Unless a rape occurred, she agreed to have sex with him and he agreed to have sex with her. They both made the decision to have unprotected sex.)

The man ejaculates in the woman and a child is conceived with BOTH of their consent.

If the man wants the child and the woman wants the child then fine. Everything is equal. Child is born.

If the man doesn't want the child and the woman doesn't want the child then fine. Everything is equal. Child is not born.

The man chooses what happens to his sperm. The woman chooses when a sperm meets her egg. They BOTH have a choice BEFORE sex. They BOTH have a choice to use protection. They BOTH have equal protection under the law at this point. Everything is equal... equality is what we're striving for I presume. They BOTH have choices and they both have options equally.

(end of part 1)

Uncontainable Spirit said...

Part Two...

Here is where the inequity occurs...

If the man wants the child and the woman doesn't want the child the woman can:

1. Legally not even inform the man that she is pregnant.
2. Legally abort the child.
3. Legally give the child up for adoption.
4. Legally take the child to a fire station and leave it.
5. Legally take the child to a hospital and leave it.

The man can:

Well... here the man has NO options where as the woman has 5... not only are there 5 options but each of those 5 options works to the benefit of the woman, not the man and DEFINITELY not the child. That is not equality. This is not equal protection under the law which by the way is guaranteed in the 14th Amendment. BUT that's how it is. And because the child was gestated in the woman's body and no man has the right to tell a woman what to do with HER body there is nothing that he can do. I'd be fine with that if all else were equal. However...

If the man doesn't want the child and the woman does the woman can:

1. Legally have the child.

The man can:

1. Legally pay child support.

The man has NO OTHER OPTIONS. The man has NO OTHER CHOICES. How is it defensible that in one situation the woman has 5 options/choices that ALL benefit her yet when that situation is reversed the man has 1 option. AND that 1 option doesn't work to the benefit of the man at all. Am I missing something here? This is what men aren't fine with.

The inequity occurs AFTER conception. They BOTH had the same options before sex. So just as you are telling men to wrap up if they don't want a baby because after conception you have no options, EQUALITY would dictate that women would be treated the same... you don't want the baby, woman? Too bad because abortions are illegal. But NO that's not right... you cannot tell a woman what to do with her body... her body her choice. But see that's only 2/3 of the story... the whole story is her body, her choice, HIS wallet.

In essence while women posit that no one can tell them what to do with their bodies and with this I agree, it would seem that the same gender that is so dead set on having control of their bodies would understand that they are in essence forcing men to give up control of their bodies. 20% of the labor of a man's body is forcibly taken away for a child that he did not want. He is using his body unwillingly for 18 years in the service of something that a woman had the 'Legal Right' to abort.

Equality? I think not. Both men and women are equal BEFORE conception... but there is no equality AFTER conception. That's the inequity. I'm not looking for 'fair'... i'm looking for 'equal', the same thing that leagues of women for the past 50 years have been clamoring for yet they want to be the only gender that has it. Equal rights under the law. Men have none in the realm of reproduction. Women have the right to terminate all financial responsibility, men have no such right. Give men that right and watch the change that occurs in a generation.

Uncontainable Spirit said...

Part Three

Here is a thought:

I wonder how many women in Medical School or Law School previously had sex with someone that they KNEW was no good for them and got pregnant then had an abortion so that they could basically have a Mulligan and refocus on themselves, maybe even on their second abortion... hmmmm. I also wonder how many men are in dead end jobs trying to make ends meet for the same exact error in judgement. I wonder how many men are in prison right now for being desperate because they are forced to use their bodies and knew better yet didn't do better because of the unwanted pressure? Yet their female counterpart is hustling the system: Welfare, Reduced Housing, Free Education, Food Vouchers etc.

If we were to remove the financial incentive of having children there will be a HUGE change. Interesting... I wish I could do a poll on the young childless women who are career oriented and ask them if they'd ever had an abortion. I'm sure the results would be startling.

Anonymous said...

I think this is a good discussion...but my opinion is that men should not be able to opt out. Something about that just sounds wrong. But I get where its coming from. The man going in knows that ultimately he can become a father, he know that he has no options, going in, therefore a man should be prepared for the consequences, what ever they may be, because after all he was a willing participant. Bottom line people need to be extremely careful about what they are doing and who they are doing it with.

Wonder Food said...

I'm sorry if I'm a bit jaded on the this issue, but I think that if more men would do what they are obligated to do when it comes to having and raising children, "Child Support" Wouldn't be an issue, also you write this article as though men being forced to be fathers, is the Rule and not the exception, how many situation do you think, are surrounded by the issue of the man not wanting the baby? It's usually after the child get's here when the father decides that he no longer wants the responsibility, and that is more than not the scenario, then they want to kick and scream about child support. People want to bad mouth a system that, was obviously created for a reason, there was an obvious need, men don't resent the women because of the children, they resent the fact that they have to use their play money on kids that they bore together, and that's the shame of it. And oh by the way, if men really want to fight for something why don't they fight for researchers to develop male Birth control!

Anonymous said...

If a man does NOT WANT TO HAVE A CHILD( by choice!) and NOT BE FORCED into paying for it, then he can do the following: Masturbate or N-O-T have sex, you'd think? This is not a problem that needs much thinking. These are slam dunk ways. This is one reason why paying for sex is a good business for men who do want to have a real woman for sexual gratification . . .WE KNOW!

Anonymous said...

I agree men sould have rights.

Anonymous said...

a wary position for the courts and for men who feel love is sexual.Women sent to this world as emotional beings of the highest regard. Emotionally sexual men are there as well .what the seperation is why are they there if it's love everyone is responsible. You can't find out until love is exposed as children, Courts make everyone realize the consequences of fore-play. Fore play is the emotional consequences stop with the love as the main dish and began with fore play from there it's fore pay not love. Responsibility is then defined you are or you are not. Paying for credit(unborn children)is the American way. Sex is credit.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting to hear women talk about what the MAN should have done, as if she didn't have any ability to prevent him from having sex. The ultimate cop-out for women is the age old clice' "when 2 people lay down a baby can come from..." For all of those women, TELL THAT TO THE ABANDONED CHILD... For all of those who have no problem telling the left "bastard" child, your dad isn't ish.. TELL THE CHILD, "MOMMY F'D A MAN WHO WASN'T ISH, that's how you came to be." The bottom line with everything is THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.
To the men who never wanted to be a father, I've prepared this statement for you to tell the child(ren), "I never wanted a child, I wanted p***y, your mom was in agreement. After the flipidy, she decided to make a meal ticket out of you. Frankly, I had other plans for life, however, I'm stuck with paying for her decision to bring you into this mess.. SORRY FOR NOT PULLING OUT.. BTW, have a nice life, thank you mom for life, and be the best person you can be. HOWEVER, NEVER EXPECT MORE FROM ME (OR LIFE) THAN WHAT YOU GIVE OR GET. .... I'M OUT.. Before any of you fall out of your chairs in anger, I have one question for you, "WHEN IS THE TRUTH WRONG?"

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can tell you this... a lot of you women would sing a different tune if the goverment made abortion illlegal and since you decided that you didn't want a unwanted pregnancy, the law should make you carry full term and hand over baby to the father and have you pony up the cost of support and insurance. See how well you like that.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly Danny..a woman's right to have control over her body does not exonerate a man from his responsibility. Why is it that women always seem to be villified for their biological make up and yet men are excused for theirs... What is even more freightening is how women's thinking has slipped back into the dark ages....

Anonymous said...

‎* Women are required to live up to their responsibility in the same way men are.

* Children are the responsibility of both parents equally. Mothers are equally required to support their children.

* When a man has sex with a women he is expected to provide support should a child result.

* When a women has sex with a man she is expected to provide support should a child result.

* Men don't support women with child support, they support the child
* Men don't have *any* responsibility to the women they have sex with.

* Women don't have *any* responsibility to the men they have sex with.

* Parents *always* have responsibility to the children they have.
* It is exactly the same, from an ethical standpoint, as some strange man coming along to try and control her body.

* There is no child after conception. There is a child after 9 months of development. If you wanted to outright abolish abortion, then you should have said something and we could have had that debate

* Millions of other people believe in ghosts too, does that mean ghosts exists?

* When it comes to choices about the the bodies of women, the women are the only people involved.

* If she chooses to involve other people of her own volition, that's perfectly fine.

* Encouraging women to believe that any man she has sex with has domain over her body is abhorrent.

* There is no double standard against men.

* Neither men nor women have any control over a pregnancy.
* Women have control over their bodies.

* It does not hold that because "Women have control over their bodies" that "women have control over a pregnancy" by proxy and therefore "Men should have control over women's bodies".

* Fathers are always required to care for their children.

* Mothers are always required to care for their children.

* Custody battles are decided on the grounds of the best interest of the child.

* Children do not belong to anybody.

* The legal change which occurs at birth is simply that rights to your body are no longer paramount.

* You still have no ownership of children after birth, they just aren't part of another person anymore.

* You are advocating that men should, by virtue of DNA, have rights to women's bodies.

* Legislation giving men the rights to women's bodies, would be unconstitutional.

* Men can still sue.

* Fathers are not just sperm donors.

* Nothing gives men the right to control women's bodies.

* Women (typically) don't get pregnant by themselves. However, it is their body and only their body.

* Asking her to carry a pregnancy to term is fine, you can ask her dance a jig. You just don't have the right to make her.

GinaB said...

Automatically assume that if you (the man) is protecting yourself by using a condom, he usually doesn't have this problem. In the event that the condom breaks, and she gets pregnant, then both of you have to pay. She gets the baby, you get to pay child support. If she decides to abort, that's her decision. If you want a child that's not aborted, get married and convince your wife to have a baby you BOTH want.

Anonymous said...

To my knowledge- the woman is the one that carries the child. So because she will be the one at risk- infertility, malpractice, surgery complications, and even death- it is her choice. The same way as it is a man's choice to have heart surgery, cancer treatment, etc. That to me is the bottom line. When you men carry the unborn child (which of course is never) they can choose to carry the child to term, or abort. In the case of adoption- I do believe if the woman want to go that route and the man doesn't he should be given custody of the child and she should sign her rights over to him (no child support) So because of how God has designed the childbirth process and we all know the deal. Both man and woman need to proceed protected to prevent unwanted pregnancy. If she carries the baby to term. She risks her health as well and it is a life time commitment.

Anonymous said...

Also for the comment of men paying for children that are not theirs. That is sad- but that should be a caution and a warning to all men to follow God's plan- sex is for marriage and there are so many reasons why you should stick to this. Of course women can cheat- but most of the time when men pay for kids that are not theirs- they have had sex with someone they don't even know. If you are not married you should have a test.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...Can you opt out of HIV, AIDS,Herpes, etc.

Clearly this is ignorant and sad conversation that shouldn't be taking place.

Value should be placed human life, not just a child, but your own from sleeping with someone without protection.

A child is not a pawn, a child is precious.

This makes men and women who sacfrice, and do whatever to obtain their goals for the better oftheir FAMILY look bad.

Women their is a differenc between a MAN and a NIGGER in any race a NIGGER is ignorant and at the forefront of his mind is himself and his penis.

and all of these NIGGERS are breeding these BITCHES with "DADDY ISSUES" that will lay down with anybody who tells her she is pretty and makes excuses for these NIGGERS not be MEN, and for on their selves for not being WOMEN.

always make your next move your best move, mistakes dont happen bad choices do. Whn you make a bad choice the world doesnt have to pay for it you do.

SN: There is nothing I hate more than a grown woman with DADDY ISSUES its like poison to the world. If your a man you'll love your child so she wont go out seeking it in the worng places, and teach your son how to treat a lady. At the end of the day you will suffer when your old and grey and your children don't love you becuase you never loved them.

Mr.Dee said...

A wise woman told me that a man should never sleep with a woman unless he trusts her with his very life! Trust is a very precious thing that you rarely give out-and never to just anyone. It is usually earned before it is given.

A man & woman equally have the choice to have sex. It is mutually agreed to, and the only contraception that has worked 100% is not having sex. So conception is always a possibility. If a child is conceived, then the issue begins.

A man must take care of his children. A woman must understand that many men aren't bound to be fathers, so they must take great care as to who they lie down with.

Too many children are being used as pawns in a sad emotional and financial game that their parents play against each other.

The child support system is a very destructive one in that it tends to simply lock up the men for nonpayment/late payment. This why many men don't have a care for their children. After conception, the man's choice ends there. Many men don't see this as a fair exchange in today's equality-driven world.

Women must realize that there are certain absolutes that cannot change, for there is a reason why they can't: you have the final say as to whether a man lays with you, so exercise your right starting there. Be wise, not foolish, as so many have and are being.

A man must see his seed as his future, and should never trust it with just any woman he sees for a single night of passion. It can lead to a lifetime of pain for him, her and their offspring.

Both made the child, both should share in the raising & rearing of that child.

Anonymous said...

this is one of the most interesting articles i've ever read

a l ot of very good points, i love the commentts as well