By: Nojma Muhammad, Your Black Woman
I recently saw a picture on Facebook that had the following words: “If you wouldn't make her a wife then don't make her a mother." I got the message, but to me this yet again another escape from accountability as women. "Make" Really? Make? My perspective is, "If he isn't willing to MAKE you his wife, then DON'T be WILLING to be his “baby mama!"
For some reason, I could not get past the word "make", and upon further reflection, the question became how can a man "make" you something that YOU'RE volunteering to BE? Oh yes, volunteer is the correct word. If we lay down with a man, and he is NOT your husband, and you have sex with him, you are VOLUNTEERING to be the mother of his child, since we know conception is a possibility when sex takes place.
You appealed to his lower nature. You had sex with him and didn’t make marriage a requirement. You continue to have sex with him and still don’t make marriage a requirement. You decide that you’re going to have his baby, and again you still aren't married because, again, you didn't make it a requirement, he leaves you. But everything is “ALL HIS FAULT!”
See how FOOLISH that sounds Sisters?
Why do we as women want men to take 100% responsibility for what takes place in OUR wombs? I am specifically speaking on those that we sent an invitation and gave an all access pass to. Why is that everyone ELSE has to accept the consequences of our decisions and actions? WE make the CONSCIOUS decision of who we allow inside our bodies. A man can NOT come in unless WE allow him too.
Contrary to what you heard, read or what your “Girlfriends” told you, no matter how you drop it, flip it and rotate it; that does NOT guarantee marriage. All it guarantees is that you will have had sex with a man that is NOT your husband. Let’s stop using our wombs as a down payment for marriage.
When a man is ready for a wife, he is more focused with how he works her MIND above anything else, While he understands that in her womb is where his legacy will be cultivated, he also understands that in her MIND is where his legacy will be conceived.
So Sisters, the power of choice is with us. We can either chose to be a “baby mama’, a “jump off”, a “side piece”, a “mistress” or we can chose to be a WIFE. Instead of telling him “if he liked it he should have put a ring on it……how about we LOVE ourselves ENOUGH to make that ring a REQUIREMENT?
****The Lesson: Our Wombs, Our choices, Our RESPONSIBILTY so we must OWN ACCOUNTABILTY***