Sunday, January 13, 2008

Why I Cheat on My Beautiful Black Wife

I am a black man and a cheater. Not all the time, just every now and then. The itch comes to me, and no matter what my wife does, I still can't help but want another woman. At least for a night, or two, or three.

I love my wife very much. No woman I've ever met or will meet will hold a more important place in my life. I also love my kids, our house, my job and the fish in my daughter's room. I love everything about my life at home, even though my relationship has become dull and rocky. But while I love having a strong black family, I also love being a man, and there is a part of me that just can't handle monogamy.

I see alot of misinformation in Essence and other black women's magazines about men and what we want. It's silly to me, because women don't know a thing about us. At the same time, they spend all their time talking about us. They always think they have us figured out, that we can be changed, and that they can come up with some magic formula that will control us and make us want to give them all the blissful matrimony they are seeking.

They couldn't be more wrong.

Here's the deal on cheating. Not from every man's point of view, just mine. You would never know I was a cheater, because I don't act like one. I don't think my penis is made of candy, and I don't want to have sex with every woman I see. I just want one sexy black woman, every now and then, as long as she is not my wife.

I have four confessions to make, please hear me out before you attack.

1) Love usually has nothing to do with cheating.

Women have this silly belief that if a man cheats on you, he must not love you. That's like saying that if you really love God, you won't scratch your toes. One has nothing to do with the other. I could be faithful to a woman I hate and cheat on a woman I love. Whether I love a woman is communicated by whether I continue coming home to her, or whether I visit her if she is sick, help her pay a bill or take care of her aging, yet annoying parents. The woman you love is the one that you want to see when you are NOT horny.

2) I didn't care much about being married, and many men can do without it.

I don't need the emotional security that women crave, I never wanted the ceremony or the legal commitments that come with matrimony. Personally, I would rather NOT have the state involved in my relatonship. I got married because my wife was a good black woman and she wanted to get married. That's it. If I could have had my way, I would have continued to date her forever, without ever getting married. It's not because I am a dog, but I would have been considered a dog for not marrying the woman I love.

I recall seeing all my friends who were married, bored and miserable. On top of that, they had to answer to someone every single day, take out the trash and deal with some irritable woman on her period, who feels that she can hold sex over their heads. I never wanted to be that guy.

But it was love that made me willing to be that guy. I have been that guy alot, especially when my wife was pregnant. I also support the African American family, so I do what I can to keep us together. But even though I have experienced the ups and downs of marriage, I still don't see what's so great about it.

3) You can't control us with sex.

I have heard women say things like "If you don't do this or that, then I'm not giving you any." Some men may be affected by this kind of thing, but I'm not. If my wife withholds sex, I give her 2 weeks. If she is not having sex with me within two weeks, I find someone else to have sex with. It's not her right to decide if I get to have sex, and she can't use sex as a weapon.

What she doesn't realize is a couple of things. First, men NEED sex. Again, it has nothing to do with love. We need sex the same way that a woman needs to socialize or a good daughter needs to hear from her mother. It's a purely physical urge, like when you have to go to the bathroom, but not bad enough that you're going to burst. The discomfort from the unfulfilled need is just strong enough that you sigh when you are finally relieved.

Second of all, as a black man in my early forties, there are always at least 5 other beautiful black women willing to drop their pants for me in a second. It's just a numbers game, since a black man with a job and all his teeth is considered a good prospect. So, whether she knows it or not, my wife has competition. But then again, maybe I have competition too and don't know it, I accept that. In fact, if she is tempted to cheat, then that supports my argument that we should never have gotten married in the first place. Women ask us to do something that we don't want to do, then get mad because we don't do it right. It reminds me of when my older sisters used to force me to play house with them, and then get angry because I put playdough in the teapot out of boredom.

Because I love my beautiful ebony wife, I am willing to wait for sex. But only two weeks. After that, I get resentful and start to think bout exercising my options. It's at that point that one of my many unmarried ex-girlfriends gets invited to lunch. They are always happy to meet me.

I am not trying to be conceited, but it's the honest to God truth. I hope that the truth is appreciated, but I suspect that some of you reading this might feel more comfortable with the same old lies. Perhaps if I weren't so committed to telling the truth, I could become more comfortable living the big marital lie that exists in America. It's that same lie that makes Internet Pornography the largest industry on the web, with most of the content being purchased by married men.

4) If we want another woman, there usually isn't much else you can do about it.

I truly believe in the theories which state that men are genetically wired to want more than one woman. We don't choose to be that way, we just are. We are also trained to lie about it, since there is nothing that turns a woman off more than saying that you want more than one woman. But get a bunch of guys together and ask them to describe their sexual fantasies (with no women in the room, of course), and most of them would describe something that involved at least 2 or 3 women. I have shared these thoughts with my wife and I find that she is only interested in killing the messenger. So, that throws honesty out the window.

I am not sure if I will continue to cheat, but I know that my male friends do it all the time. I envy the single guys, who can do what they want, with whom they want, and no one calls them a bad person. I share my life, my space, and my time with a woman, deal with her moods and am continuously there for her, yet, if I fulfill one fundamental need that I have as a man, I become a villain.

It just doesn't seem fair.


realady32 said...

First of all I want to thank you for your honesty. I have been trying to understand this subject for a while now and because of you I have some real answers. I am wondering though, why did you get married? You said you only got married because your wife was a good black woman and she wanted too. Does she know this? She may not have married you if she knew your true feelings. She wanted a marriage for what a marriage really is, fidelity, trust, commiment with one person. You basically fooled her by pretending that you were with it. You never should have taken the vows. Marriage is serious business and if you couldn't commit fully you should have remained single and live that way. How dare you do this to her. People need to stop lying to themselves and others to get what they want. It all ends in alot of heartbreak and pain for all involved. If a man or woman feel the need to have more than one partner, they need to make this know immediately to any party involved. The other person has a right to know and decide for themselves if they want to engage in this high risk life style-your wife did not want that for herself that's why she sought marriage-she has a certain level of commitment she expects from you and you from her. What would you think of her is she slept around whenever she felt the urge? Would it still be all good on the home front? These are not the lessons that a good father concerned about his family teaches. A good father is strong, strong enought to bypass any temptation that may jeapordize the family he created with his wife. Nothing is more precious than family and it makes me sad and sick to my stomach to see how some people are so selfish to realize that it is no longer about themselves but about everyone in the family. A cheater can send the family into a depression unknown most, all kinds of emotional problems can arise from this behavior, your spouse may even try suicide depending on their emotional state-and was all this worth a little peice on the side. I think not. Marriage doesn't have to be boring. Date your wife not these hoes. There are things you can do to spice up a dull marriage but if you must have others then you should divorce-continuing to cheat is selfish and disrespectful-she deserves better. Just my thoughts

Anonymous said...

I appreciate honesty, so how can I honestly tell if my girl is dipping out on me. She denies the fact that she is but I don't believe her. She has been involved with guys in the past when had trouble. We lost our son and it has driven us in opposite directions mentally, emotionally, and yes physically. She seems suspect to me. Under the circumstances I would be willing to forgive her if I had a way of finding out for sure, but not if I find out she has been a liar. What is the best way to find out? Should I continue to search on my own or just give it up?

solai said...

I guess this is an eye opener to me, so to a girl sex comes after some conditions are met for me just give me a smart well created woman and am in it, whether i love her or not it does not matter.

T-GODDESS said...

The thing that bothers me the most is this dumb idiotic theory that only men get urges to cheat, and that they can do it so easily because it is always there waiting for them. News flash dumb ass. Can't nobody get it more easier than a woman. So believe it or not....we can cheat everyday if we so choose. Get this straight we only want to marry you because we love you that much and want to show you that you mean that much to us; that we are not afraid to give you our all. That is all in being a woman. Now if you really didn't want to get married and seeing that you stated that you are so honest; well if you are so honest you should have told her that you have needs for other women; that you don't want to get married. And on top of that if you are so honest, did you tell your wife that despite what she has done for you and to you, the need of another women still is a desire you plan to fulfill whenever it comes to you? If not then perhaps you should not act as if you are so honest. You like to contradict yourself a lot. You sit here and somewhat brag about your needs as if it is suppose to be the right thing to do. You are letting people know that you have no since. But hey that is you. You say that if you have competition then that proves that she should not have wanted to get married. Well stupid you should not have agreed. Yet you proved a point that men fill that they can easily dish out stuff like this and yet the woman can't. Think about it, for a moment; while you are out there doing your dirt...she can easily do her dirt also. Men flirt 24/ while you are speaking of all the women you think want you. She knows exactly of whom wants her and whom will have her, and when. Nine times out of ten; if she is pretty your best friend, one of your cousin and even your father & your brother, hell even one of your sister's might want would she be wrong to have sex with your friend when you have pissed her off to the point of not giving you sex. Stupid she might be doing that purposely so that she can take as much sex from her other guy whom she just wants for 2 days or 3 days every once in a while. Yet does that make her out to be a bad wife; well judging from your logic...I think not......hell "its only fair." Maybe she wants something more spicy, maybe you are not satisfying her she just wants to feel the touch of another man, spell the sent of another man...look into the eyes of another man...and for a moment pretend she belongs to no-one at all...not every man just another man; every once in a while. Maybe she wants to feel like she is still single, after dealing with your attitude of her asking you to do the simplest things; that you make into a big issue only because she is your wife. Yet she is only asking you for something that you would do for a strange woman with absolutely no hesitation at all or complaints. Wow how stupid of you.

You stated that you are tired of women thinking that they know what a man really wants and needs. Well I am tired of men thinking that they can satisfy our needs just because we may add in a few extra moans here and there. They obviously don't know what we want and or need; they are too busy thinking of themselves and assuming that all we want is to be idiotic. I am glad you think that your wife is ever so extremely happy with what you think that you do so perfectly. This is why you dumb men are loosing your women to other women. Because you think you know........what you clearly don't. That is why we don't always compliment you all because it goes to your head. You seem to think that just because you can please one women, (and she pumps you up to thinking and believing that you're the best she's ever had)that you are simply all that. Sorry to inform you....every brown brother with all his teeth is not considered to be a sexy flash. Did it ever occur to you that those women want you because it proves a point that some men are simply greedy and ignorant. It sends her a rush because she's convinced you...the idiot into having sex with her; because she dislikes your wife anyways....because she has you. Yet you can easily sit there and say that you love your wife. How silly and boyish of you, in your mind frame of thinking. (Sarcastically speaking)Just know that she loves you even when she decides to have sex with some guy at work, or her ex whom she has ran into....because after all they are always ready and willing. What one man won't do; another one will, there is always another brother waiting secretly until she decides to take everything he so wants to give her. Often there are too many to count; that are anticipating a moment....can't seem to realize.

Oh and your so called logical way of thinking and........with the God and scratching your toes thing... That was didn't even make since, and can't be compared into the same category. Funny thing is when your daughter marries a man.......I am most sure you want walk up to her husband and say hey; I will be the first to tell a man and get what you want; by all means when you have that manly urge to cheat on my daughter you have my blessings...because I did it to my is all in being a man. Yeah that is how idiotic you sound, when you talk as stupid as you have.

Just don't assume you know exactly what we want....because if we told you that it were your friend you might not be able to handle that, no more than anything else.

Think before you say something stupid. Because if we chose to and sometimes we will. We can have sex with more men than you possible could think you ever could in women. Our difference is that when we choose to...all of our extra men will look damn good, compared to the chicken heads you allow to disrespect your wife along with your help. It is good to know that you feel putting your mouth on another women is not disrespecting your wife....when you come home trying to kiss all over her. You are simple minded indeed. Just think of that when she messes around. Just because you are bored in your marriage; what makes you think she is not? For all you know, she may be thinking damn I should have married my ex...but I had to go marry this fool to make him jealous. Don't always think you know because fact is you don't.

Just remember what you said At least she "is coming home" to you afterwards.

Ralph Zavala said...

Interesting, I'm a "Latin" man and am very attracted to black women. I find that when I'm into one woman I simply love to pleasure her and I gaurd that with jealously.
Different strokes, Oh I don't want to get any diseases either.