Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Sistahs are Doing it for Themselves: Equality and The Independent Black Woman

The first time I heard rapper Lil Webbie’s “Independent” I thought that it was an uplifting song for Black women—a group that is normally degraded in rap music.

However, I was seriously disappointed after listening to the words. In the song, Lil Webbie points out that he loves an educated woman with a house and a job. Lil Boosie goes on to say, “I got an independent woman on my mind—that spoils me.”

Shouldn’t a man make his own money instead of depending on a woman? How far have women really come in the gender equality struggle?
It's 2008 and even the independent woman continues to be oppressed—used for her beauty as well as her wealth. A number of women let their unemployed boyfriends move-in with them. Some of these women find themselves constantly catering to their unemployed boyfriends.

In other words, independent women are allowing themselves to be abused and pushed to the side.

This is not a purely recent occurrence.

Throughout history Black women have been an integral part of a number of social movements and organizations. Many women financially and emotionally supported the Civil Rights Movement and the Black Panther Party. Still, these brave souls had to take a backseat to the men in their organizations.

There are also economic disparities between men and women.

The independent woman must deal with the continuous struggle for gender equality, as well as economic equality. Today, women make 75 cents for every dollar that a man makes. Although this is an increase from previous years, we still have a long way to go.

Independent women deserve men that don’t sit around waiting for a woman to take care of them. A real man should respect a self-sufficient woman and not take advantage of her kindness.

Yes, “she got her own house and she drive her own whip” and one day she may even get paid the same amount as a man, but she is not here to spoil a man.

Keep up the hard work ladies!


Mr. Azeem said...

Many women spoil do-nothing brothers and give hard-working brothers a hard time. It is improper to have a woman financially support a man-unless he is an invalid or between jobs.
She won't respect him eventually, possibly leading to domestic violence. A man's role is to support his family, but in today's world many independent women fill that role. Sisters, if you want to help your man, then do so. However, give him a certain time when he should be self-sufficient. To spoil him ruins his respect for you and what you're trying to do in life.

Anonymous said...

Women have to be strong because the men in their lives are not there for them. The problem is that when a brother tries to do the right thing, he feels like his wife is trying to carry around all the testicals in the household. Black women need to get that damn chip off their shoulder!

Anonymous said...

Tonya E. aka Miss Right Now

It's a darn if you do darn if you don't status with us Ndpendent Women today. I am about ill sicken to always hear the complaints of us not helping and when we do were bashed for being Ndpendent. It's the same as being a single mother, if the man we chose to have a child with was the man he should have been we wouldn't be FORCED to take on all the ROLES we MUST in order to NUTURE and RAISE our children into better People than we allowed ourselves to be. Today, it's hard for an Ndpendent Woman to stay in the position of how our foremothers did, because of the misfeed definition on what family values and love really R. Today, you can't find too many people that are truly about moral, love and respect, without having MONEY, GREED, and WHAT CAN ONE DO FOR ME TODAY attributes today! Our foremothers nor forefathers never had nothing close to what we have today, however what I RESPECT about them is that they LOVED EACH OTHER REGARDLESS OF THEIR POCKET STACKS! THE LOVE DIDN'T COME WITH A PRICE TAG, HOWEVER IT CAME IT COMMITMENT AND THE LOVE OF STRUGGLE WITH EACH OTHER SO THAT WE CAN HAVE WHAT WE'RE SO COMFORTABLE WITH CALLING OUR OWN TODAY! REMEMBER OUR ANCESTORS DIDN'T MAKE THE SACRIFICES THEY MADE IN THEIR TIME WE WOULDN'T BE IN THE HIGH POSITIONS WE HOLD TODAY! It's time to STOP the complaining and START the HEALING PEOPLE. Being Ndpendent is not easy, however someone has to do it!

Respect Given Always,
Your Ndpendent Woman
Tonya E. aka Miss Right Now
" The New Harriet Tubman "
* I don't live nor walk for FAME, however I live and walk for CHANGE!*

dollar bill said...

Ms. Ndependent, that's bullsh*t. There is a fine line that a lady has to walk when it comes to dealing with men. She can be strong without thinking that she has to wear the pants all the time. A man needs to feel like a man, and if you don't give us a reason to want to get married to you, then we are not going to do it. It's the same balance that a man has to maintain: he has to be sensitive without being weak. You have to learn that balance and I am willing to bet that you probably don't have a man or you are spending all your time wondering why men keep leaving you. Hint: We are NOT the problem!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Dollar Bill,

If you read what I said with an open mind then you would know that I speak about each one of us having a part in making a big mess out of what we be to each other. I have had my share of telling my past mate baby I got you when he was short in any area of his beings, it was not to strip him of his manhood. What I didn't know back then what I know now is my position as the HELP MATE not the HIS MOTHER...Again, it's easier to complain, however when will we all take the time to re-evaluate what ones sick thinking is brought into the relationship or whatevership from the first step of becoming a couple. Mr. Dollar Bill, I am very much single and very much happy and NO I AM NOT WONDERING WHY MEN KEEP LEAVING ME.. I have taken time out to learn why we are were we are today, and it's because one does not take time out to break the generation patterns from generation to generations of curses and that's IGNORANCE! My AMUSEMENT PARK IS CLOSED THERE IS NO MORE ROOM TO BE RIDEN, NOR RIDE AND THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER IS SHUT DOWN! I HAVE PATIENCE TODAY TO WAIT FOR WHOMEVER IS MR. RIGHT..I WILL EXCUSE YOU - YOU'RE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE OF WISDOM I AM TODAY.. WE ONLY LEARN FROM TRIAL AND TRIBULATIONS..CHECK YOURSELF.. WHAT DOES WHY HIDE BEHIND THE NAME DOLLAR BILL.. I GAVE YOU MY NAME, GOOGLE ME AND FIND OUT THE WORTH OF THIS NDPENDENT WOMAN, SMILE..

Anonymous said...

I agree with the brother. He could have been less harsh, but the truth is that sisters are always blaming brothers for being messed up, and Oprah is the one telling them it is ok to do that. But the truth is that they sometimes end up blaming us for everything just so that they don't have to look themselves in the mirror.

Anonymous said...

I am one not to blame anyone, I can look in the mirror and admit to my wrongs, why not turn off the Oprahs and all that continue to feed into the problem and begin to hold open forums of working on ourselves openly..again as I stated before we ALL have a part to play..it's called LIFE..i hear and see too much the blame game tossed however too many people refuse to address the problems we hold in our own backyards.. I went out to a Greensboro, NC club recently and what I witness as a grown woman was sicken..Brother Dollar Bill has every right to his opinion, however we have to be able to speak about an issues with results..It's simple Cause & Effect, I believe we all learned that method in Science, it's the same in our lifestyles, smile. I am not a BITTER WOMAN, I AM A BETTER WOMAN.. Much love and respect!

Anonymous said...

Sistas and brothers. Lets encourage one another to make better decisions as we journey.

Difficult as it can be, it can be done. Ladies, hold true to yourselves. You know you cannot do that when you choose to be involved with a man who is not self suficient or one that is not taking care of his responibilities. Do not involve yourselves with a man who has children he does not support financially or honor with proper visitation. The same goes for men who are not stable. A man must walk as a man, all the time, not just when it is convenient for him to do so. He should be gainfully employed regularly so that he can support himself first. That allows him to maintain his home and transportation at the very least.

Seriously reconsider your involvement with any man who cannot maintain, sustain and support what's his. If you do that and hold true to that, you can remain independent and he won't end up in your bed while you get up and go to work.

If you both sustain yourselves individually, there is less drama, believe that as true.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget though that it's hard out here for black men. Black girls get it hard too, but if you look at the stats, it's the black boys that are getting put in dumb kid classes, getting arrested and sent to prison, dying in the streets and all that. Also, unemployment hits us hard. Yes, it also hits the sisters hard too, but the truth is that women are not stressed as much if they can't bring money to a relationship. A girl can be broke and cute. But if a brother is broke, he gets dissed real hard.

Cut us some slack!

awhitebitchnigga said...

Let's be honest here most black women will walk past ten good black man to get to a thug.Black women are obsolete.

Anonymous said...

What an ignorant thing to say. You are a Bitch Nigga!

Independent Blk Woman said...

How did a conversation on independence turn into a feud, resulting in degradation? We can express our differences without insulting one another.

"What an ignorant thing to say. You are a Bi%ch
N—a"?? Oxymoron.