YourBlackWoman: Changing Perceptions of Beauty

By Chiderah A. Monde

Why is it that both Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry are widely considered beautiful women, no matter what race you are, no matter what gender?

With a constantly changing world, comes a constantly changing perception of beauty. Over the years society has changed its description of what is considered the physically “ideal” or “perfect” woman. No longer does the blond bombshell grace the covers of every magazine, nor does the deathly skinny frame or pale skin.

The 21st century demanded a change, for it’s “ideal” woman, and now she has curves, dark hair, and most importantly- darker skin.

Society’s perfect woman is not necessarily Black, although everyone agrees that Beyonce, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys and Janet Jackson top a lot of lists. But darker skin is definitely in- whether it is tanned white women, foreign femmes, or mixed beauties, women like Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, Aishwarya Rai, Adrianna Lima and Jessica Biel have taken the place of the blond bombshell era.

There’s no question about curves being in demand too. Beyonce is the epitome of the ideal curves for a Black woman, so is Alicia Keys, and quite frankly- so is Kim Kardashian. Men agree that body and curves are sexier, and women feel more comfortable with their bodies being similar shapes to celebrity women.

The interesting thing about the changing perception of beauty is how we can all agree that these women and physical features are considered acceptable. Psychologists argue that an individual’s perception of what is considered attractive is dependent on the person’s parents. That is, we base what is beautiful on what our mothers look like, what our fathers think, and what they both teach us to be beautiful. On the other scholarly hand, some consider attraction to be dependent on symmetry. That is, anything that is symmetrical is aesthetically pleasing. Once something seems out of line, out of sync, or asymmetrical, it is not attractive.

I don’t know how I feel about all of that.

Whether it’s psychology or symmetry that determines what is beautiful, it is all amplified by society and by media. Everything we buy, wear, eat and do is reflection of what some part of society has suggested we should. And “should” is an iffy word…

Nevertheless, we might be moving in an optimistic direction. If curves, dark hair and dark skin is currently in, society is setting an example for accepting a variety of body types. With things like Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty and Maxim’s 2008 Hot 100, the days of having only one perfect woman are long gone.

Wendy Williams, Black Celebrity Fashion

Who is the queen of all media? Well, that would be Oprah. But the queen of radio would be Wendy Williams, and the queen of Internet Celebrity Gossip would be Lady Drama. Her work with AllHipHop.com, YourBlackWorld.com and TheSource.com has black people talking all over America.


Lady Drama (AKA Ebony Garris) appeared with Wendy Williams on her new show this week. The Queen of Urban Radio made comments about how fabulous Ebony looked, as Lady Drama is the Queen of online media.

Click here to watch the video.

Open Marriage + Open Communication = Successful Black Love?

By Chiderah A. Monde

Will Smith and Jada’s confession about their open marriage last year during an interview is still a hot topic. Since then people have been able to really think about what open marriage has meant for the Pinkett-Smith union, and what it could mean for black couples everywhere.

Black people continue to look up to Will and Jada as the pillar of black love. They represent the ideal successful black couple: complete with two gorgeous people in love, wealth, happiness and beautiful children to top it off.

It could all be so simple as to accredit their successful marriage to the agreement they have with each other, allowing them to be able to sleep with whomever they want as long as they inform each other of those happenings. Could it be that in this day an age, [open relationships + open communication] is the only formula that equals a successful relationship?

Let’s consider the possibilities.

The most important part of having an open marriage is that the idea eliminates the number one reason why people break up in this country- cheating. Open relationships require as much trust as one can possibly put in a person. Trusting them not to lie, trusting them not to hide things, and trusting them to remain faithful. It sounds like all of the basic necessities of a regular relationship are present.

Black couples that last are growing more and more rare. The current statistics claim that just about 45% of educated successful black women do not get married, and just as many get divorced. Those numbers are scary. At the same time interracial dating is becoming more popular, and more black men get involved with white, Asian, Latina and mixed women. For those situations where black women feel threatened about their husbands cheating, perhaps an open marriage could save them from this trouble, and save marriages from their demises.
Also, having an open relationship facilitates a key component of successful relationships- communication. Many marriage therapists focus mainly on the type of communication between husband and wife when couples come in to try and save marriages. People find that their spouses aren’t telling them things, especially when it comes to how they feel.

I don’t know, open relationships sound like a great idea. However, there must be dire disadvantages.

I asked some of my friends around campus, and got similar opinions about open relationships and open marriages. Most men agreed that they would love a woman who was gorgeous and successful, and who would allow them to sleep with other women. They said they would rather not know whom their wives are sleeping with, but if the trust between them is there, there shouldn’t be a problem. Most men could see themselves always coming back to their “80% women” regardless of who they slept with, since those outside relationships would be solely based on physical attraction. Will Smith said the same thing.

Most women that I talked to said that the situation is rather unrealistic. They all agreed that problems in the long run would be inevitable. They could see their men preferring the outside sex to their own, which would lead to wanting to leave, or more arguments about how drastically their sex lives have changed. It comes as no surprise to me that the women thought more about potential problems than the benefits of open relationships.

How about what an open relationship would mean for the black family?

When you take it outside the bedroom, it seems that an open marriage is not such a good idea. How do you explain to your kids “mommy and daddy spend nights with aunties and uncles”?

For Will and Jada, this conversation has to be had, considering their lives are public and their kids are sure to hear about it sooner or later.

Then there’s the problem of STDs and/or AIDS. Let’s be realistic, no sex is exempt from possibly introducing transmitted diseases- celebrity sex or not. Couples have to be twice as careful about using protection and being checked regularly for diseases, and extremely aware of the sexual history of the people they decide to sleep with. Maybe open relationships are not such a good idea…there’s all the extra background checking and detective work one must do just to have sex.

As far as religion goes- open marriages completely contradict morals established in the black church. Isn’t that considered adultery? But then again…so is cheating, and people still do it. God might not like this idea either. Accepting open marriage and open relationships in the black church would require review and revision of morals established by the church. As crazy as it sounds, open marriage is the “less immoral” way to commit adultery.

It may just be that having a Will and Jada kind of relationship can only work for Will and Jada.

Black couples that aren’t celebrities may not be as prepared to deal with problems such as children from outside relationships, STDs or AIDS, and paying for child support if children were to result from their extramarital affairs. Jada considers Will’s oldest son to be one of her own, even though he is a result of one of Will’s previous relationships. Jada has the patience, the money, and the time to take care of children that are not her own- most women do not.

I am not knocking the strategy though, I think some people would do well in these kinds of relationships, but it definitely isn’t for everybody. Just like marriage isn’t for everybody. It depends on the people involved and their personalities.

The Lady Behind The Drama: Gossip Diva Goes On Wendy Williams This Tuesday!

Anybody that reads YourBlackWorld has probably stopped by the gossip section to read up on the lives of celebrities. It is a guilty pleasure for some people, but for Ebony Garris, it is a regular day at work.

Garris is the writer of YourBlackGossip, and under the name Lady Drama, she keeps us all informed about what is going on with our favorite Hollywood hipsters. But this talented talker is not just the writer for YBG, Garris keeps the gossip coming in to AllHipHop.com as a rumor-assistant, and she also writes columns for Hood and Urban Magazines.


Lady Drama always had a love for gossiping. Growing up she looked up to and regularly listened to Wendy Williams, while harnessing her talent for writing. Garris has been a gossip professional for three years, but has been a writer for six, and continues to flourish at both. The name Lady Drama just came to her one night, and from then on her career as gossip diva extraordinaire set its own path to success.


So does Lady Drama, queen of gossip at YBW, read gossip sites too? Yep! She admits being well acquainted with sites like TMZ.com, Bossip.com and Concreteloop.com. She’s not a huge fan of MediaTakeOut.com, and when asked why she explained that the site is not very honest. Lady Drama takes pride in her work, saying, “I say how I feel and I’m very honest about it…[MediaTakeOut.com] likes to bring celebrities down…that’s not what I do.”

How does one find the material to create a gossip site? Lady Drama tells about how at first a gossip guru must do a lot of research. Googling names and looking up court dates are only two of the tactics that kept her busy collecting material. But as success of the site grew, Lady Drama fans began sending in their tips, sightings and rumors.

The regular Gossip Girl admits that the best thing about her job is being able to know everybody else’s business while they know nothing about her! She laughs, “Everybody gossips, why not get paid for it!” Although Lady Drama keeps current and informed 24/7 with the lives involved in the world of entertainment, she thinks of the name as her alter ego. Ebony Garris is calm and cool, and Lady Drama is always in tune with Hollywood and the latest buzz.

Our own Lady Drama has tons of plans for the future, including an appearance on the Wendy Williams Show this Tuesday. On July 22nd, if you’re in the New York, Dallas, Detroit or Los Angeles areas, tune into Fox 5 at 10am to catch Lady Drama introduce the show! The opportunity to meet her idol came when she got a call from the producers of the show a couple days after requesting audience tickets.

In addition to that, Garris is currently working on a book that she would like to have out by next summer! As she is finishing up her book, print publication is also her focus. In the future, she plans to do more magazines, columns, newspapers and websites. Garris would like for Lady Drama to continue to succeed and become well known, and with the way she’s going now, that is sure to happen soon!

Black Women & Weight Loss: Book Says Dieting Should Be Different For Black Women

Black women are constantly fighting obesity in the United States. With so many different fad diets and pills out there, it is frustrating to come up with no results.


Weight Loss book "The Black Diet Doctor's Solution for Black Women", written by the late Dr. Robert Beale and his daughter Lisa Beale, brings an alternative to weight loss for black women.

Instead of listening to all of those diet ads and pills, the book explores eating and exercising strategies directed specifically towards Black women.

Lisa Beale said in the August 2004 issue of Ebony Magazine, "Our book offers all Black women who suffer with obesity and who struggle to reach a healthy weight a realistic solution for permanent weight-loss success."

"Weight is like hair - you are born with a certain type," says coauthor Lisa Beale. "However the type of hair you have determines the salon that you go in. Many Black women have been going in the wrong 'salon' and listening to the wrong 'stylist' for their weight."


You can check out the book and it's authors here, as well as get information on purchasing it.

Black Women Should Try Eyebrow Threading

Eyebrow threading is a preferred hair removal technique for a number of reasons. Unlike tweezing or plucking, eyebrow threading removes one clean line of hair all at once, making it much quicker and easier to shape the brows. Eyebrow threading also will not harm the skin like wax and some creams can. If done correctly, the skin should not be red or irritated for more than a few minutes after the eyebrow threading session.

In addition to the luxury of little pain and precise work, eyebrow threading can be done for the same price (and in some places lower) than the cost of eyebrow waxing. Ask around your town nail salons and spas to see if they thread.

Here's a video about Eyebrow Threading, as featured on NBC News 10.

Black Women In Hollywood Don't Get Roles They Deserve

A movie that came out last month featured well known Estonian actress Mena Suvari as the lead character. The movie “Stuck” tells the story of a woman named Brandi who hits a homeless man with her car late one night, and is later is charged with his murder. The movie is based on the true story of a black woman named Chante Mallard who was convicted for the crime in 2001.

Suvari even has cornrows in the movie, giving her the look of being African-American even though they claim she portrays a “white trash” sort of character. Although she is a great actress- I do like some of her other work- I wonder why they couldn’t cast a black actress to play the role accurately, instead of distorting the character into what Suvari will be playing?

Black actresses are constantly competing for the same roles, and now with white actresses being able to look more “ethnic”, their chances of getting roles are diminishing. Jezebel.com features an article about the Suvari movie, and explores the unfortunate possibility of Black actresses becoming even more overlooked.

Ever since they have been allowed to act in movies, Black women have only been given roles as “mammies”- playing nannies to white children, cooks, and housekeepers, or “jezebels”- the seductive love interest, prostitute, or neighborhood man-stealer in every movie.

Nowadays, those two roles have been only a little bit broadened. Black women play secretaries and assistants (Wanda Sykes, Loretta Divine), or the typical Black family women in Tyler Perry-type Black movies (Angela Basset, Gabrielle Union, Nia Long, Kimberly Elise, etc). Often times Black women will be given the shot at action movies (Jada Pinkett-Smith, Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, Keri Washington, Gabrielle Union) but those only come after huge recognition and success of previous movies, or after suggestions of who would look good next to the successful Black men that star in them (Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx).

It comes as no surprise that Black actresses are unhappy. In Essence’s December 2007 issue, there’s an article interview with Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union and Nia Long about this topic. Union said, “I could make a living doing Black urban romantic comedies for the rest of my life…. But am I growing as an artist?” The personal accomplishment is not there for most of these ladies. They are not being paid fairly, and their years and years of acting is not reflected in their recognition.

Gabrielle Union also raised an interesting point in saying, “… they’ll complain on the blogs that we don’t have enough black stars. Well, you rip us to shreds every two seconds from our nose to the weave to the clothes to the shoes to the ashy ankles.”

Instead of supporting the few talented ladies that we have, the black community often resorts to criticism of how they are portrayed. Do we forget that the make-up and hair artists for these movies are white? The directors are white, the camera men are white, the lighting crew, publicists, clothing designers, casting directors, and everybody else that works on a movie….usually white. How can we expect them to completely and accurately reflect Black life?

Black culture in Hollywood only comes through what we see on the screen, and read in the pages. As an aspiring actress, I wonder what place in the line of Black actresses I will eventually get to with conditions like these. All of these ladies, especially my favorite actress Sanaa Lathan, have reason to complain about their roles. We as the Black audience and general public have to take notice, and be upset enough to try to change things and steer us in a direction where Black actresses are not overlooked and chosen second to somewhat “ethnic” looking white women.

Your Black Woman: Did Fox Leave Jesse's Mic on Intentionally?

Like everyone else I was taken aback by the comments made by Rev. Jackson about wanting to, well in essence, castrate Senator Obama. Making comments about emasculating Black men isn’t something our community appreciates even if another Black man says it. But Rev. Jackson apologized to the point of stopping short of offering his own “nads” up as a peace offering and Senator Obama graciously accepted his apology. What I was wondering is was the taping really an accident?

Most of us know this isn’t Rev. Jackson’s first slip of the tongue. We have had to opportunity to sit back and watch his Presidential bid crash and burn when he made his famous Himey town comment. He is human he also comes from an era where every little thing that was said anywhere didn’t have the potential to be taped. He should also know that in this day and age there is always the possibility that someone is listening. I listened to the whispered conversation clip on the news and without subtitles I really wouldn’t have known what he said. I have a hard time understanding Jesse when he speaks normally but I’m going to assume that they quoted him correctly because he didn’t deny that he said it. Rev. Jackson should be savvy enough by now to know that there is always a possibility that the microphone is on. Here is where my conspiracy theory question comes in, was the microphone really supposed to be off?

Rev Jackson was being interviewed by Fox News, can you say red flag? Fox News is known for not agreeing with most of the Black Leaders in our community unless they are saying something bad about us. Why would I think that they would waste and opportunity to try to catch anything they could by just ….accidentally…..on purpose….having the mic on, knowing that Rev. Jackson is known for making what he thinks are “private” comments. Who is the first one to jump on this story? Why it is ole buddy Bill O’Reilly, need I say more? Although Bill is more into “Lynching Parties” I’m sure a little Black male castration would be right in line with his Slave Master mentality. This would be the same Bill on the same network that ran a story last September that reported that Rev Jackson said that Senator Obama was “acting like he’s white” when referring to how Senator Obama was responding to the Jena 6 case. But you want me to think that this network that employs three of the most intentionally ignorant men in media wouldn’t pull a stunt just to embarrass a prominent Black leader? Okay and I would like to buy some of the land in Costa Rica that was for sale in the email I got the other day.

This just gives them more reason to talk about things they have no intention of learning about and to discredit our leaders and cause tension in our community. You notice now they want to have a discussion about the differences we have within our community with each other and our philosophies but no one wanted to touch why the majority of African Americans that I talk to from all socioeconomic and educational backgrounds agreed with most of what Rev Jeremiah Wright said. Let’s not have a conversation about why so many of us listen to and respect Father Flager and those like him. Fox and their “Three Stooges”, just denounce anyone who criticizes America and points out racism as being bad, without trying to understand the history and the experiences behind the statements.


So although I think Rev Jackson should have been smart enough to learn from experience and keep him mouth closed, especially in a FOX studio, I don’t think it was his fault entirely. I think it is obvious by the people the network employees that they are willing to play dirty. I fully believe that they left Rev. Jackson’s microphone on purpose and they got what they wanted. Congrats to Rev Jackson for once again opening mouth and inserting foot and thank you FOX for probably setting him up with the opportunity to do it. You have once again proven to me what a classy organization you really are. Can we get on with the real issues now?

Black Female Soldier Lavena Johnson: Rape/murder or suicide?

Black female soldier Lavena Johnson was found dead under highly questionable circumstances. She was shot in the head and had acid on her genitals. She also had a broken nose. The military has ruled her death a suicide and refuses to reopen the investigation. However, her family is stating that this is a cover-up. Video is below.