Men vs. Women: The Whole Body Thing

Nicole Spence

Ladies how important is it for your man or boo to be in shape, body right?

I’m wondering because I’m always obsessing about my body, more importantly my lack of muscle tone. Lol, seriously the people that know me, know me as the “Food Nazi”. Don’t even think about eating greasy fatty foods around me, I’ll go bizerick.
Oddly enough lately the “chubbsters” have been hollering. I think its because we’re making it too easy for them to feel sexy, “Oh Big Daddy”, well I’m just not into it.

So I’m pretty open about my body, its beauty and flaws. I dated this guy a while back, and he had a nice athletic build. I actually loved his body.

Anyway he knew that I’m all about fitness and eating right, even though sometimes I go weeks without squatting shit and eating emotionally. I’m Human! I just use my Joe’s jeans to keep me in check, when those bad boys don’t fit; it’s time to quit! {Like right now!}

So one day my little porn star surprised me with a gift. He bought me a P90X! Have your heard of it? It’s a set of intense workout DVDs; there are 13 DVD’s in the set that you have to commit to for 90 days! It’s supposed to really “transform” your body. I didn’t know what to make of this! Was this motherfucker calling me Fat?? I mean P90X ain’t no cheap shit, its expensive. So that really got me thinking, “He thinks I really have a problem?”OMG!! And I’m naked all time and he gives me P90X! Confused and convinced that we would have sex no more, I turned to my girls, who all assured that he probably got it for me because he knows how crazy I am are about my body! Of course we were still together after that, he thought I would have loved the gift. But I didn't.

P90X is no joke, you are literally co-signing for this man, Tony Horton, to come up into your house and Kick Your Ass! No thanks! Please note that P90x is still collecting dust on top of my fridge, no less! Lol

This story has sparked my mission {our mission join me} of no longer rebounding. I’ll be 30 and I’m going to be super tight, with a fluffy round bottom of course!

Is this just some women shit? Ladies are you satisfied with the way your man looks, when he strips for you? Or is he leaving his tee shirt on to cover his double D's or bird chest? Or is he soo hippy and doesn’t want you to see his girlie bottom so he sometimes leaves his boxers on, like we’re in high school sneaking a phuck! Lol.
As women I think we are so much more forgiving and tend to think his belly is cute, and adds character. Meanwhile, he isn’t smiling at those dimples on your ass, or that little muffin top you’ve been rocking.

So I’m saying today that I don’t like “Chubby”, I’m putting in the work and so should he! Women should be nice and soft to touch and men need to be hard and strong! Get it!

*** P.S. I’ve decided to get my Pilates Certification! So stay tuned to my fit tricks!

Posted by Nicole Spence at 9:23 AM 6 comments

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Black Women Stunning at the Oscar Ceremony

Viola Davis and Taraji Henson were both snubbed from winning an Oscar, but at least they were looking FABULOUS

Queen Latifah
A side shot of the dress
I guess Beyonce thinks the Academy Awards is more important than the Grammys
Alicia Keys and Taraji...I am loving Alicia's dress, but she could have done without the wig

John Legend and his girlfriend

Labels: Academy Awards, black celebrity gossip, red carpet

posted by N. Taylor @ 12:25 AM 0 comments

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When is He ready to commit? Can you Tell?

Every woman knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit... until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he's springing for a rock. Single women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with, i.e., The One. But that's not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of "If Men Could Talk." What, then, does it take?

"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he's not in a marriage mind-set yet, he's not going to commit to anyone... not even Gisele.

In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.

"Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind." To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.

 

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Oprah’s Friend Gayle Angry at Chris Brown

Monique Wright-Williams had always forbidden her three girls from watching hip-hop music videos because of the way they portray women as "hoochies or sex objects," she said.

Rihanna and Chris Brown in the audience during the 2008 MTV Movie Awards at the Gibson Amphitheatre on June 1, 2008 in Universal City, California.

(Chris Polk/FilmMagic)
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"I don't ever want them to think of themselves as a sex object," she told ABCNews.com.

The music of Chris Brown, though, was different. Marketed as more of a Jonas Brother than a Lil Wayne, Brown won the approval of both mother and daughters. Wright-Williams' oldest daughter, Solange, a 17-year-old college freshman, plastered her room with pictures of the 19-year-old R&B singer and affectionately referred to him as her "husband."

Related

'Saddened' Chris Brown Seeking Counseling

WATCH:Salma Hayek Weds on Valentine?s Day

Has Brown Beaten Rihanna Before?

So when the Syracuse, N.Y., family learned that Brown had been arrested last week for allegedly beating his pop-star girlfriend Rihanna, the news came as a shock. "I'm obviously disappointed," Wright-Williams, a youth services agency director, said. "He was in a good position to serve so many young black children well. Whenever anybody who is in a good position to have a nice impact on my children, and children in general, tumbles and falls in such an important way, it's here we go again." Perhaps. The fall of a teen idol is familiar territory. But the swift and critical public response to Brown's arrest from the Williams family and other members of the black community has come as something of a surprise to some people.

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Black List: Little Kim Getting Busy with Dance Rehearsal

Lil Kim and dancing partner Derek Hough were spotted at Rehearsals for the upcoming season of “Dancing With The Stars”.

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Posted By AutumnJones to yourblackhiphop at 2/17/2009 11:31:00 AM

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Chris Brown to get Therapy for Rihanna situation

A week after allegedly beating and bruising his pop-star girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released an apologetic statement Sunday via a representative that also discounted media reports claiming he'd commented about the incident on Facebook.

Chris Brown leaves his hotel on January 31, 2009 in Dublin, Ireland. A week after reportedly beating and bruising his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released a statement via his spokesperson.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person," Brown said in the statement released Sunday evening.

"Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong," the statement said. "While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

While Rihanna has yet to speak out about the alleged fight, her father, Ronald Fenty, said that Brown hit her in an interview with People magazine Saturday. Describing Rihanna's current condition after seeing her Thursday, Fenty said, "There is some bruising. She will be all right. I think so." "At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world," he said.

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A Black Professor Gives His Perspective on Black Love

Brought to you by The Great Black Speakers Bureau - The #1 Black Speakers Bureau in the world.

To get financial advice from Dr. Boyce, please visit www.DrBoyceMoney.com.  To see video commentary from Dr. Boyce, please click here.

Dr. Boyce Watkins

www.BoyceWatkins.com

FYI: I should be on the NPR show "Tell Me More with Michel Martin", a journalist for whom I have tremendous respect.  We recorded today with Shelby Steele, a conservative scholar out at Stanford and another scholar named Jon Powell, at Ohio State.  The conversation is interesting, and I recommend you give it a listen.  You can learn more about the show at this link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/tellmemore/.

I also got another call yesterday from "The Big O"...yes, you know who I am talking about.  Apparently, there is some interest in my Financial Lovemaking Book.  I'll keep you posted on that one, since I am not 100% sure if my demographic matches that of the Great Ms. Winfrey.  While I feel that Financial Lovemaking can work well for her audience, my alignment with the hip hop community may make for an awkward fit.  The fact that I engage in critical analysis (meaning that no one is 100% good or 100% bad) means that I sometimes make enemies in this game because of my refusal to kiss anyone's butt too much.  But I do give respect where it is due, and I consider Oprah to be an amazing role model for all of us.  The same goes for President Obama. 

In light of the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming, I was thinking about the whole idea of love.  I must also admit that I thought about love when I noticed the singer Chris Brown might have ruined his career in this mad situation with Rihanna (apparently, there may be some abuse in that relationship, I’m not sure).  Either way, I think that anyone who has been young and in a relationship understands how stupid and crazy things can happen.  I’ve never considered Chris Brown to be a bad person.  But he may have done a bad thing.

Seeing the huge loss that these two young people may have imposed on their lives (Chris and Rihanna), led me to reflect on love and what it means to me.  Here is my personal perspective on love….love it or hate it (haha).

What Love Should and Should Not Be

By Dr. Boyce Watkins

www.BoyceWatkins.com

I’ve lived a bit of life and made my share of mistakes.  But as a professor, I am trained to learn from poor choices and grow from them.  Most processes have a purpose and a pattern.  If you think hard enough and honestly confront your failures, triumphs and observations, you can usually walk away with a bit of insight.  The term “No pain, no gain”, can certainly be applied in the game of love, and I intend to gain from my own personal portfolio of blissful heartache.

So, I’ve come up with some “Rules of Love” out of respect for Valentine’s Day.  It’s not scientific and not a fit for everyone.  But it comes from the head, the heart and all the other body parts I can’t mention in this article.  So, at least you know it’s sincere.

Love should be RESPECTED: One of the silliest things I see in some relationships is that people seem to be most interested in chasing the person who loves them the least, while kicking their greatest admirers to the curb.  They choose the best option they can GET instead of the best option they’ve already GOT.  There is something that people love about a challenge.  It can be a natural instinct to equate kindness with weakness and easy access with a lack of value. Many of us are guilty of crying over the person who ignores us and ignoring the person who cries for us.  Someone who gives you their heart can also take it away, so we must respect those who’ve truly earned it.

Love should be EXPECTED:   Part of the reason that some of us spend our time chasing the loser who doesn’t love us is because deep down, we feel that someone who cares for us must be flawed or unworthy of our time.  On the other hand, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself when you see that the one you usually want doesn’t want you back.  The truth of the matter is that if someone disrespects the appreciation you are showing toward them, then they don’t deserve your love anyway.  You should love yourself enough to walk away from those who choose not to treat you as you deserve to be treated.

Love should be given to YOURSELF: Part of demanding the love that you deserve is engaging in the difficult art of SELF LOVE.  Many times, we look in the emotional mirror and see blemishes, flaws, faults, mistakes and the ugliest sides of who we are.   Rather than greeting the world with our heads held high, we keep our heads down and hope no one notices that we are not as good as everyone else.  Loving yourself is similar to learning to love another person:  there is a point where you must simply accept the flaws.   You must realize that you are no more defective and no more perfect than everyone else, and that you too deserve to be happy.  If you can’t love yourself, then it’s damn near impossible to truly love someone else, since you are only offering them what you perceive to be damaged goods.

Love is meant to be CELEBRATED:  I’ve admittedly never been able to fully grasp the concept of homosexuality, but I’ve never had a problem with gay marriage.  One thing I believe is that love was created by GOD: that includes love between a man and a woman, a man and a man or a woman and a woman.  There should not be religious, social or racial boundaries imposed on meaningful love, for we do not get to choose the shape, size or complexion of the package.  When God blesses someone with such a powerful connection, this love should be celebrated by all of us and not judged or held in contempt.   Melting someone’s halo of happiness by dousing it with a flood of hate is a counter-productive use of our time and a wasteful spiritual endeavor. 

Valentine’s Day is meant to be YEAR ROUND:  You should not need a special holiday to show someone you love them.  You should tell them something good, positive, and affirming every time you see them, because this will make that person feel good.  You should not need corporate America’s permission and some hyper-commercialized holiday as your excuse to show affection.   I encourage you to say ten nice things per day to people you care about, which may include complimenting them on their clothes, their hair, their personality, their beauty or their presence.  It will make them feel good and leave a lasting psychological impact.  Our words are “emotional money” and we should be consistently making donations.

Love should be REFLECTIVE:  The hardest way to get what you want is to selfishly pursue it, take it or relentlessly absorb it.  That’s like waiting for your paycheck and never showing up for work.  If you are in a truly loving situation, you get what you want by REFLECTING IT.   If you WANT more success out of life, you GIVE more hard work.  If you WANT better grades, you GIVE more time to the library.  If you WANT more appreciation from your partner, you GIVE more attention and affection.  If you choose to share your love with someone who deserves it, then they will give the love right back to you, with interest.  Like a healthy economy, the cycle will become recursive and productive trade increases the value of each partner’s “Life Portfolio”.   In pleasure, pain and everything in between, to get more, you must give more.  You must also make payments in the currency deemed most valuable to your partner.  There’s no way around that fact.

Love should be PRACTICED:  Love is not just a feeling, an emotion, a whim or something that makes your skin shiver.  Loving someone is a DELIBERATE ACT and a series of habits designed to sustain and maintain the relationship you have with one another.  The work of the greatest writers in history was not always driven by inspiration and a desire to write…..sometimes, it was the act of sitting down each day and forcing themselves to write which eventually inspired them to do their greatest work.  In other words, love is a series of proactive habits, choices and behaviors that correlate with your desire to have a meaningful and stable relationship with another person.  It’s not something you just randomly “fall into” and “out of”…..it is something you choose to do.

Love should be CONTEMPLATED: When it comes to dating, I tell my daughter and God daughters the following: “If a man is not someone you can see raising your children, then don’t even go out on the first date.”  They look at me like I’m crazy, but the point is simple:  While you cannot easily choose to release yourself from the psychological grips of love, you have some ability to choose who you are going to fall in love with in the beginning.  Most of us don’t meet someone and decide that we are going to be with this person for years.  There is always the first glance, the first date, the first kiss, the first touch, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a situation that doesn’t make any sense to you.  So, if you don’t start with point A, you can never reach point Z.  This makes the most sense when you can see that point Z is not the place you want to visit with this particular person.

Love should be REMEMBERED: A big challenge for many young or single people (and even those who are married) is that we spend our time chasing the love and affection that is most intriguing to our hormones, while ignoring the love that is most tried and true.  A man might spend hours on the phone with a pretty lady who doesn’t even like him, but simultaneously ignore his grandmother who would gladly give her life for him.  Valentine’s Day is not just the day you send “sweets to your sweetie”.  It is also the day you shower love on your mother, brother, sister, father, best friend, homeboy, children, grand parents and all the people who will love you long after your sweetie has become sweet on someone else.   In the city of love, new buildings are shiniest and most appealing.  But the older buildings are the sturdiest and most enduring.  

Love is LIFE:  Not only does the act of love create and sustain life, it is also the greatest part of our journey through life.  We may or may not remember or be inspired by our professional or educational achievements, but we have an immediate and powerful emotional reaction when we reflect on the love we’ve experienced over the years.  Thinking about children, family or ex-lovers can create an emotional response that can’t be matched by a corporate job or advanced degree.  I tell my students that one of the most important decisions they will ever make is who they choose to spend their lives with.  I’ve seen many people drive themselves down the path to hell by choosing to share their love with someone who deserves it the least.  Like the most amazing roller coaster, the journey of love is long, complicated, exciting, scary and fulfilling.  So, while we’re on this journey, we should make sure we turn on the GPS.

Happy Valentine’s Day and I hope this day inspires you to find the love that exists in your life.  It’s all around you if you learn to look for it.  Even in an economy like this one, the love in your life can make you a billionaire. 

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University.  For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.    

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Singer Rihanna Assisting Police in Going After Chris

R&B star Rihanna is cooperating with investigators building a domestic violence case against her boyfriend, the singer Chris Brown, a police source said Monday.
The source said the 20-year-old performer, whose full name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, was providing "ongoing" cooperation to detectives who booked Brown on Sunday on suspicion of making criminal threats against her.

An early morning altercation with Brown after a pre-Grammy Awards party left Rihanna with bruises and a scratch on her face, according to police sources. She was treated at a "major medical facility," a police source said.
Brown, 19, has a double-platinum record and dance moves often compared to Michael Jackson's. He fled before officers arrived, police said.
He remained free on $50,000 bail, but neither he nor his attorney would speak about allegations that rocked the Grammys ceremony. Brown and Rihanna were both nominated; neither attended the ceremony.

The fight occurred after midnight on a quiet block in Hancock Park, where Brown had stopped a rented Lamborghini he was driving. According to police, several people saw or heard a loud, violent confrontation. The luxury car was impounded because the alleged assault may have begun in the vehicle, a police source said.

 

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PETA Dresses as Klansmen to Try to Make their Point

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals knows how to grab attention. And show off its laundry.

The animal rights group, which every year stages a protest at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, had two of its members dress in Ku Klux Klan garb outside Madison Square Garden on Monday.

Their goal, according to a post on the PETA website, was to draw a parallel between the KKK and the American Kennel Club. "Obviously it's an uncomfortable comparison," PETA spokesman Michael McGraw told the Associated Press.

But the AKC is trying to create a "master race" when it comes to pure-bred dogs, he added. "It's a very apt comparison."

The group passed out brochures implying the Klan and AKC have the goal of "pure bloodlines" in common.

FIND MORE STORIES IN: Madison Square Garden | Ethical Treatment of Animals | Ku Klux Klan | Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show | Michael McGraw

"I can't speak for everyone, but the vast majority of the people exhibiting and handling and showing at Westminster are more interested in the health of dogs than anything else," Westminster spokesman David Frei told the AP.

"We want to produce the next generation of healthy and happy dogs," he said, "not just for the show ring but for the couches at home."

Bystander Fatima Walden told the AP the KKK imagery was inappropriate no matter what the message.

"They could have used something else as an example," she said. "You should be considerate to everybody."

Other than a shouting match during the hour-long protest, police said the scene remained calm.

 

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The Black Woman, Black Men and The Down Low

By Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD

Recently, New York Knick’s basketball player, Eddy Curry, a married father of several kids, received notice of a sexual-harassment lawsuit by his former limo driver, Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky is alleging that Curry tried to solicit gay sexual activity from him while working as a 24/7 chauffer for the NBA hoop star and his family.[1] With the national press coverage of this story, I am reminded of the movie,Cover, which explored the current situation that appears to be facing many black families. Cover is a film about a devoted, churchgoing wife, and mother whose faith is shattered when she discovers that her husband is living a secret double life.[2] Also, there is a 30-minute internet movie, Results, which tackles the same type of betrayal and shows how the couple tackles it in the span of one night.[3] So, as it relates to married men who happen to cheat on their spouse on thedown low, I ask, what’s love got to do with it? I understand the question is paying tribute to the hit single by Tina Turner. However, I think people should explore the reasons why married men choose to cheat on the down low and should a wife, who takes a vow of fidelity with her husband, continue in the relationship after discovering the betrayal.

People might ask why a lawyer would write an article on a social topic such as married men who cheat on the down low. Well, a lawyer is considered an attorney and counselor at law. When a wife chooses to get a divorce due to infidelity from their husbands cheating on the down low, it is important for lawyers to understand the origin of the relationship and what caused the heartache to their client so that they can effectively provide legal advice and counseling for their client. In a majority of states, infidelity is just one factor in how marital property is divided between former married couples. Even though a wife might want her husband, who cheated on the down low, to get nothing and pay dearly for the betrayal, the courts in a majority of states will not find fault (e.g. infidelity) a determining factor in the division of marital property. Therefore, it behooves the lawyer to try other methods of counseling to explain the law to jilted married clients.

This article will analyze the meaning of love, the reasons why people get married, and what actions people should take to minimize the potential of being married to men who cheat on the down low.

Meaning of Love

Love has many meanings. Webster dictionary defines Love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (e.g. maternal love for a child).[4] Also, love is an attraction based on sexual desires (e.g. affection and tenderness felt by lovers).[5] Love is also an affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (e.g. love for old schoolmates).[6] Also, love is a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion (e.g. love of the sea).[7] Love can also be used as a term of endearment.[8] Love is also the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.[9] Love is a sexual embrace.[10] In all, love embraces a form that is erotic, romantic, familial, platonic, and religious.

Similar to Webster dictionary, Christianity embraces four forms of love: Agapē, Philia, Eros, and Storge.[11] Agapē means charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional.[12] It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world.[13] It is the way God is seen to love humanity and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for others.[14] Philia is defined as the human response to something that is found to be delightful.[15] Also, it is known as "brotherly love".[16] Eros is defined as sexual love.[17] Storge is defined as the needy child-to-parent love.[18]

One thing that is fascinating is the explanation of what Eros is. Eros is a very passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.[19] In the classical world, the phenomenon of love was generally understood as a kind of madness or, as the Greeks put it, theia mania ("madness from the gods").[20] This love passion is best illustrated by a scheme involving “love arrows” or “love darts.”[21] The source of the arrows is said to be the image of the beautiful love object itself.[22] If the arrows arrive at the lover’s eyes, they would then travel to and ‘pierce’ and ‘wound’ his or her heart and overwhelm him/her with desire and longing.[23] This creates an image of an “arrow’s wound” where an oxymoron of pleasure and pain is created.[24]

As illustrated above, love has different meanings. Saying “I love you” to a person can mean a variety of things. The issue for married couples who are dealing with husbands who cheat on the down low isnot whether they love their wives. The issue is what type of love does husbands who cheat on the down low have for their wives. In my opinion, this is the heart of the conflict that exists between married couples who have husbands who cheat on the down low. Next, it is important to understand why people marry.

Why People Marry

Marriage is a social, religious, spiritual or legal union of individuals.[25] People marry for many reasons, but usually they marry for one or more of the following reasons:[26]
· legal, social, and economic stability;
· the formation of a family unit;
· procreation and the education and nurturing of children;
· legitimizing sexual relations;
· public declaration of love; or
· to obtain citizenship

In almost all Protestant forms of Christianity, they hold marriage to be ordained by God for the union between a man and a woman.[27]They see the primary purpose of this union to be to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world.[28] Other secondary purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings.[29]

Like love, people marry for a variety of reasons. What is extremely interesting is that when protestant Christians marry their primary purpose is for the union to glorify God. One example of the betrayal for protestant Christians is when married men cheat on the down low. This action is not one that glorifies God especially when the bible states that men (or women) who practice homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God.[30] So, the conflict exists and men and women need to be aware of who their partners are before entering into marriage.

The Reality of the Conflict of Down Low Activity with Marriage

Some married men who cheat on the down low believe that down low activity is similar when men cheat with other women. I beg to differ. As these movies illustrate, a woman cannot compete with a man sexually. Women and men are not equal in physical form. Men and women have different sexual features and different purposes of use for these features. I equate the differences between men and women similar to placing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Do like parts unite or do opposite pieces fit together?

If a married man cheats on the down low, they have a sexual attraction for another man. Sorry ladies. Physically, there is nothing you can do, except do a sex change, to sexually fulfill a man who wants to sleep with other men. A married man might love his wife, but the sexual love a wife is craving from her husband does not exist the way she wants or believes it should exist especially if this type of infidelity occurs after the coupled exchanged wedding vows to be married. There are always signs of men who have a sexual attraction for another man. However, you have to open your eyes and find out who your spouse truly is before you enter into marriage.

Attributes of Counseling Before Marriage

One way to discover whether your significant partner is ready to be married is to participate in marriage counseling. In essence, you are treating your marriage as a long term investment and gathering as much information about your spouse before you enter into marriage. As illustrated above, love has many meanings and people marry for different reasons. Just because someone says “I love you” is not all you need to know to venture into marriage. What a man and woman need to find out from each other is what type of love exists and is it reciprocally felt. If your potential spouse only feels an admiration for you and you feel romantic love for that person, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to the person. Also, what are the reasons why the man and woman are getting married and is it reciprocal. If your potential spouse wants to get married to obtain citizenship and you want to get married public declaration of love, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to this person.

Ideally, married couples expect their spouses to solely want them only. They believe their spouse will be the complement human being to help fulfill their needs mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No one is perfect, but the union of a man and woman is expected to be one that works to perfection as seen in God’s light. When married men cheat on the down low, there is an erotic and sexual attraction for people of the same sex that their wife can’t fulfill. A potential spouse needs to know this before hand and not marry the individual especially if they seek their spouse to solely want them only.

Effective marriage counseling will be able to discover the compatibility of the couple. Marriage counseling should emphasize substance over form. The counseling should explore the type of love that exists and if it is reciprocally felt. Also, marriage counseling should explore the reasons why each person wants to marry and whether it is reciprocal. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with doing an extensive background check on people before getting married. When you choose to marry someone, you are making a societal and private contract that this individual is someone you will honor and cherish, to have and to hold, until death do you part. With any type of long term investment, you need to know what you are getting into. This is not to say that marriages will not have problems, but if you choose someone to be married to you, you are making a long term investment in that individual expecting that the good will outweigh the bad. Know what you are getting into so you canminimize suffering betrayals like having married men cheat on the down low.

Legal Disclaimer: This site provides information about the law designed to keep readers informed of pertinent legal matters affecting the African-American community. But legal information is not the same as legal advice -- the application of law to an individual's specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, we recommend you consult a lawyer in your specific location if you want professional assurance that our information, and your interpretation of it, is appropriate to your particular situation.

[1]http://www.nypost.com/seven/01132009/news/regionalnews/knick_gets_called_for_sex_foul_149982.htm
[2] http://www.coverthemovie.com/
[3] http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi3195994137/
[4] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Love
[5] Id.
[6] Id.
[7] Id.
[8] Id.
[9] Id.
[10] Id.
[11] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(religious_views)
[12] Id.
[13] Id.
[14] Id.
[15] Id.
[16] Id.
[17] Id.
[18] Id.
[19] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_(love)
[20] Id.
[21] Id.
[22] Id.
[23] Id.
[24] Id.
[25] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage
[26] Id.
[27] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_of_marriage
[28] Id.
[29] Id.
[30] 1 Corinthians 6:9

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Your Black Beauty Tips from Tyra Banks

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Black Celebrity Gossip: Vivica Fox is Now doing Psychic Friends Commercials

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Does This Girl Look like Sasha Obama?

Ariel Binns is cute, smart, outgoing and looks remarkably like first daughter Sasha Obama.

Young model Ariel Binns, right, resembles Sasha Obama.

The similarity has not gone unnoticed by the fashion industry. Harper's Bazaar magazine cast the 6-year-old Brooklyn, New York, first-grader with model Tyra Banks in a photo spread showing an African-American family in the White House.

Binns, a child model, was peering out from under a big wooden desk in an image reminiscent of John F. Kennedy's time in office.

When it comes to fashion there's nothing like a powerful brand to boost sales, especially if that brand is a dynamic first family.

"Marketers are finally waking up to it -- you know -- black is beautiful," says global branding expert David Rogers who predicts African-American models will play a more prominent role in fashion photography as a direct result of the Obamas. "It's just going to become part of the fabric of the fashion imagery of pop culture, which is a great thing," says Rogers. Watch young first daughter look-alike model »

At Wilhelmina Kids, a modeling agency in New York for kids and teens, agents say there is increased demand for first daughter look-alikes.

"It's a trend because, what little girl doesn't want to emulate the first kids?" said Marlene Wallach, president of Wilhelmina, which represents Binns.

Unlike the Bush twins or Chelsea Clinton, global branding experts say the appeal of the Obama girls is unique -- and infinitely marketable. After the first kids appeared in their J.Crew outfits on Inauguration Day, the company's Web site got so many hits, it crashed.

Click to read.

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Your Black Beauty: Make Up Apps for Black Women

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Black Hair is Not a Black Business

The Black Hair industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. This industry has created other revenue generating vessels such as, conferences, schools, distribution, competitions, marketing, and even research. With an industry that is so huge and driven by the black dollar, one would expect that this industry would be under the direct control of those that make it successful, the black race. However, it is not. Though blacks still control many of the hair salons and barbershops, there is still a major disparity in many of the other businesses within this industry. Plus, recent trends have begun to emerge in the marketplace that threatens the ownership of those two entities. There is a new business model for salons, Korean-Owned and Black-Operated. This new model is growing rapidly and becoming a success among the community. While customers can continue to receive services from a familiar black stylist, the dollar ultimately goes to the Korean community.

It’s absolutely not a bad thing that Koreans are becoming fierce competitors and business owners in this black industry, so standing on the sidelines boycotting these establishments or calling for them to discontinue is a way that further perpetuates the blacks’ “right to survivorship” thinking. Blacks should not expect to be able to merely sit on a golden egg that was handed to them and not expect others to want a piece of it. The golden egg must be protected and guarded like the lion guards its kill from the hyena. Since the system we live under a capitalist system, the way a person or group rises to great wealth and sustainability is through competitive edges. Is this true? The retail segment of the black hair business is another entity that works to cipher the dollar from black community and be sent elsewhere. After research of over 800 black served beauty supply stores, we uncovered an ownership base of less than 5%. Of these same stores during a 6-month evaluation we found more than 97% of black consumers.
Is this a huge snowballing problem that should be addressed? Do blacks have the resources and opportunities within their communities but are simply not harnessing these opportunities? The problem of a low number of retail stores does not begin there. It begins at the distribution level. There is still a significant amount of black manufacturers of products but once these products leave the black manufacturers, they are placed in the hands of Korean distributors then the problem begins. Once the Korean distributors get a hold of the products they do two things: 1. They selectively distribute the products to retailers and sometimes at different prices. 2. They study the black products and soon create prototypes and begin marketing these prototypes to their huge Korean retailer base. Lucky White, CEO of Kizure Products, has boasted this as being one of her major dilemmas in her business slowdown. She is not only being competed against by other equipment manufacturers, the distributors are acting as lobbyist for her competitor.

In an industry that resulted in billions due to pioneer, Madame C.J. Walker, a black woman born into poor conditions in the early 20th century, one would expect the blueprint to this industry to be studied and executed by blacks across America but sadly this has not been the case. Why? It is not as simple as setting up shop and waiting for high profits anymore. Retail storeowners are facing many competitive obstacles such as capital, a large selection of products, and pricing. In most cases, getting an account with a Korean distributor as a Black person means you face an uphill battle. First, the distributor must approve your location before agreeing to supply your store. If they agree, now payments must be made in cash upfront with no delayed terms of payment. This is perhaps the hugest obstacle a new black storeowner faces. Then, this is a rippling effect. If distributors are consuming the capital instantly, then there is less available for the new black owner to obtain an abundant variation of products. Lastly, the pricing advantage many Korean stores are able to provide for the black consumer keeps them coming back over and over again, showing very little regard to a black storeowner down the block. This pricing advantage is also a resource for the Koreans because of the relationship they have with the Korean distributors.

However, the nail has not yet been driven into the coffin of the black lockout of their stake in this industry. I am living proof. I emotionally entered into this industry when I was thrown out of a Korean-Owned beauty supply store while I was attempting to make a huge purchase for my salon. The owner felt uncomfortable with me browsing and being selective. His frustration grew to rage so he then threatened me with a golf club eventually throwing me out of his store. Like many black men, I didn’t know of the huge lockout that took place in this industry until I had already signed a $5,000 lease for a location. My uphill battle began as distributors wanted cash and many didn’t even return my phone calls. Little did many of them know my persistence is abnormal. I took daytrips on airlines to physically walk into locations in New York and Miami until I got what I wanted. My goal was to give our community options in shopping while receiving the respect they deserved. My one location turned into three in 18 short months. Trial and error was my ally. As I learned, I perfected. Here a few things that an aspiring owner can implement.

Communicate with other owners – Find other owners willing to communicate with you in your market and even throughout the country. They are more than willing to share valuable information with you and you should do the same.

Automate the Store – In this fast-paced era, do not rely on spreadsheets and manual inventory tracking. This can slowdown your customer fulfillment process and tie up valuable time that could be used elsewhere.

Be a competitive and creative owner – Do not do what the next guy is doing, do what he isn’t. Establish store niches.
Establish Non-Competitive Clauses – Secure your market share within your mall at the least. Do not leave the gate wide open.

Manage the Cash Effectively – From your gross, pre-allocate percentages for capital expenditures, marketing, taxes, procurement, payroll, etc and have different bank accounts for each one with the monies being deposited systematically. Do not rely on self to divvy up or disburse the funds as you receive revenue.

Form Alliances Outside the Black Hair Industry – I once went to a children’s theme park with my sons and discovered that a local pizza franchise provided the pizzas for the business at a discounted rate. These opportunities exist for beauty storeowners as well. I established plenty. One place is funeral homes.

Seek Consulting – Never think you know it all. I had two beauty storeowners that acted as my mentors for the first year. I compensated them for intense assistance but for quick advice they were glad to help. Expect nothing for free. Allocate funds for this too.
Location, Location, Location – Do not pick a convenient location for you, pick a convenient location for the customer. There are moneymaking opportunities even when there is an existing beauty store. Don’t be afraid of the competition. The way you operate may be the way the customers in that market prefer.

Though I have highlighted distribution as the component needed, it is not the way to launching strategic efforts, and neither is boycotting. Building up the amount of black-owned retail stores is the first step in a strategic plan like this. The demand must first be created if a black distribution plant is to be successful. The black hair business is a cash cow but in its current state the cow is jumping over the moon with the moneybag heading to other communities.

Devin Robinson is the author of Taking it Back: How to Become a Successful Black Beauty Supply Store Owner who resides in Atlanta, GA. Visit his website athttp://www.takingitbackblack.com/.

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