Fox News is under attack for their racist behavior. African Americans will no longer stand for Michelle Obama being called a "baby's mama", Barack being called "Osama", and all this other ridiculousness. This video hits the nail right on the head:
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Money Tips for Black Women? A Financially Fit Divorce?
by Dr. Boyce Watkins
www.BoyceWatkins.net
I just saw an article today on "How to Leave Your Husband". The article focuses on how women can have a financially fit divorce. I find it amazing that we have gotten to the point that these are the kinds of articles that appear on the front pages of major media outlets. This speaks well to the state of love in America.
The article also seems to imply that beyond the 50% of all Americans who end up in divorce, there are many others who would be divorced if only they could find a way to get it done efficiently. Since when did the bliss of love make us so unhappy?
When I wrote Financial Lovemaking 101, one of the objectives I had in this book was to teach couples how to be jointly responsible when it comes to money. The truth of the matter is that being financially smart and responsible also increases your ability to be financially independent. Therefore, one might conclude that if you end up as one of the millions of Americans who chooses divorce, you might be able to erase your mistake without destroying your bank account.
I once counseled a couple that was nearing retirement. The couple had modest resources, but the wife was quite determined. Over a period of 10 years, she worked overtime and saved her butt off to pay off the family's credit card debt. She also looked into retirement plans on her job, putting thousands into a 401k plan to prepare for the family's golden years. Her husband had other plans. Without his wife's knowledge, he maxed out all the credit cards to start a business. He then withdrew all of the family funds from the retirement plan. The business failed, and his wife was in tears. She wanted to leave her husband, but she was financially drained. What's worse is that staying with her spouse would not have made her any more financially secure.
The reality is that money and love are linked in ways that we never envisioned on that first date. A person's beauty, body shape, and quality of sex become secondary to how well they pay the mortgage and put food on the table. Then, when we find that the love is gone and we want to move on, money becomes the barrier between freedom and misery. Planning ahead financially can be the way to plan your escape route, if that is what you choose to do.
The irony of it all, however, is that being financially intelligent and responsible reduces one major source of conflict in your marriage. It also allows you to make a stronger contribution to the overall well-being of your family. Therefore, by being financially intelligent and independent, you are more likely to have a successful marriage. Kind of paradoxical, don't you think?
I don't judge those who get divorced, never get married or are trying to get divorced. I only say that whatever you do, make sure you do it right. Your love depends on it, and so does your LIFE.
www.BoyceWatkins.net
I just saw an article today on "How to Leave Your Husband". The article focuses on how women can have a financially fit divorce. I find it amazing that we have gotten to the point that these are the kinds of articles that appear on the front pages of major media outlets. This speaks well to the state of love in America.
The article also seems to imply that beyond the 50% of all Americans who end up in divorce, there are many others who would be divorced if only they could find a way to get it done efficiently. Since when did the bliss of love make us so unhappy?
When I wrote Financial Lovemaking 101, one of the objectives I had in this book was to teach couples how to be jointly responsible when it comes to money. The truth of the matter is that being financially smart and responsible also increases your ability to be financially independent. Therefore, one might conclude that if you end up as one of the millions of Americans who chooses divorce, you might be able to erase your mistake without destroying your bank account.
I once counseled a couple that was nearing retirement. The couple had modest resources, but the wife was quite determined. Over a period of 10 years, she worked overtime and saved her butt off to pay off the family's credit card debt. She also looked into retirement plans on her job, putting thousands into a 401k plan to prepare for the family's golden years. Her husband had other plans. Without his wife's knowledge, he maxed out all the credit cards to start a business. He then withdrew all of the family funds from the retirement plan. The business failed, and his wife was in tears. She wanted to leave her husband, but she was financially drained. What's worse is that staying with her spouse would not have made her any more financially secure.
The reality is that money and love are linked in ways that we never envisioned on that first date. A person's beauty, body shape, and quality of sex become secondary to how well they pay the mortgage and put food on the table. Then, when we find that the love is gone and we want to move on, money becomes the barrier between freedom and misery. Planning ahead financially can be the way to plan your escape route, if that is what you choose to do.
The irony of it all, however, is that being financially intelligent and responsible reduces one major source of conflict in your marriage. It also allows you to make a stronger contribution to the overall well-being of your family. Therefore, by being financially intelligent and independent, you are more likely to have a successful marriage. Kind of paradoxical, don't you think?
I don't judge those who get divorced, never get married or are trying to get divorced. I only say that whatever you do, make sure you do it right. Your love depends on it, and so does your LIFE.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Black Women's Hair: Who Controls the Market?
Black women do not have much say in the black haircare market. According to this documentary by Aaron Black Hair documentary by Aron Ranen, black women and black men have almost no ownership in the massive market for African American hair care products. This is shocking in light of the fact that Koreans and others have come to know the black community to be loyal and powerful consumers in this market, spending black money in the billions. So, the notion that we do not own any of this market falls solely on our shoulders.
How do we learn how to gain a stake in the black hair care market? Perhaps it starts with education. Either way, black hair is always going to be an issue for our community and perhaps black women can take the lead.
The Black Hair Documentary is below.
How do we learn how to gain a stake in the black hair care market? Perhaps it starts with education. Either way, black hair is always going to be an issue for our community and perhaps black women can take the lead.
The Black Hair Documentary is below.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Politically Correct Terms for Men and Women
Here are some funny jokes that are equally humiliating to both men and women. In this climate of political correctness, perhaps we all need a little bit of this.
And furthermore...
POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMINOLOGIES, FOR WHEN YOU SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY
INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMINOLOGIES, FOR WHEN YOU SPEAK ABOUT MEN:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It is
simply "REAR CLEAVAGE."
And furthermore...
POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMINOLOGIES, FOR WHEN YOU SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY
INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMINOLOGIES, FOR WHEN YOU SPEAK ABOUT MEN:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It is
simply "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Angry Black Women
Dr. Boyce Watkins
For those who may not understand why I had to critique Barack Obama's contribution to the perception of black men being irresponsible, perhaps you can get it now. Fox News recently did a segment about "why black women on TV tend to be angry". In the segment, they make continuous reference to the "angry black woman", and point to several examples of black women who tend to be angry during interviews. The video clip is at the bottom of this comment.
For those who may not understand why I had to critique Barack Obama's contribution to the perception of black men being irresponsible, perhaps you can get it now. Fox News recently did a segment about "why black women on TV tend to be angry". In the segment, they make continuous reference to the "angry black woman", and point to several examples of black women who tend to be angry during interviews. The video clip is at the bottom of this comment.
I have heard alot of brothers write off black women as angry, bitter and nasty, and with equal force, I INSIST that they not characterize the entire black female population by the actions of a subset. Although I've had much personal experience with negative black women, I choose to
describe them as collectively beautiful and marvelous, without allowing bad apples to spoil the bunch. I only ask that the same respect be given to black men, without using the actions of bad men to describe us as a collective. Instead, I am hopeful that you can focus on the many black men who've chosen to "man up" and do what is right with their lives.
I received about 130 emails yes terday from people who had mixed opinions about my article on Senator Obama's comments about black men needing to learn the art of fatherhood. They've been interesting and seem to call for more discourse. I noticed that the opinions were right down the middle and many of them were very strong in either direction. I also noticed that many of the emails came from a position of intense pain: Brothers dealing with "baby mama drama" who wanted to see their kids but were pushed out of their lives, or women dealing with some pathetic man who has chosen to ignore his responsibilities. I too know this pain personally, as my father abandoned me when I was a child, and I've also fought like hell (sometimes unsuccessfully) to find a place in the life of my own child. I have 7 god children and I mentor dozens of black youth around the country, many of whom do not have fathers or mothers who are doing the right thing, so I know the problem quite well. I will do a video on the topic soon, but I wanted to pose some quick thoughts I had while reading your emails (and yes, I do read my email and try to respond to you. I only ignore people who come off as flat out lunatics, since I don't mess with crazy people). Here are my thoughts.
1) Why do we assume that a broken family implies that a man "ran away from his responsibility"? Is it not also the case that many relationships end due to actions of the woman as well? All of us know of at least one "insane baby's mama" - either you have dealt with one, been in a relationship with a man who was dealing with one, or perhaps you have BEEN ONE! This does not imply that the end of the relationship is most likely the fault of the woman, but it does take two to tango.
2) No. I didn't make my statements for political purposes or to make money. I don't get paid for what I do on the internet, and I am NOT a politician. I honestly don't trust politicians and life is too shor t for me to spend all my time hoping that people like me. Telling the truth is the only way I can sleep at night, even if it implies that some people don't like what I have to say. One thing you will always get from me is a straight shot, I assure you of that. I guarantee that if you know me long enough, you will eventually disagree with me.
3) Yes, I support Obama 100% . Critiquing someone and keeping them honest doesn't mean you hate them. I critique my mama and I love my mama. Also, even though I love Barack, I put him in the same category as most "selectively honest" politicians. If a man loves his pastor and church for 20 years, and then suddenly realizes that he should disown them, I can't believe that he just had the wool pulled over his eyes for two decades. I am not in the business of abandoning those who've remained loyal to me for 20 years straight, that's not how I was raised. That's also why I'll never be a successful politician.
4) Obama has made a commitment to being race neutral in this election. However, if he or anyone else chooses to address race in this election I ONLY ASK THAT THEY BE FAIR. For Barack (or anyone else) to shut down anyone who speaks honestly about racism, and then to contribute to racial stereotypes about black male irresponsibility is not balanced. For those who feel that Obama was "telling it like it is", please remember this: Dr. Jeremiah Wright was also "telling it like it is", but he was attacked, disowned and told that his words needed to be muted. Honesty should not know racial boundaries. If Barack Obama is not comfortable going into a group of white males and being honest about their weaknesses, then it is not acceptable for him to do that to black men. Being bi-racial, Obama has just as much moral authority to speak on the negative choices of white males as he does for black males.
5) There are ALWAYS going to be people in every group who do the wrong thing. White women are not stereotyped by the actions of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. I would never stereotype black women for the actions of a few "insane baby's mamas". So, the notion that it is ok to define black men by the actions of a select few is equally problematic. However, it is comfortable to say "these brothers need to start doing right" because it alleviates anyone else of the guilt of whatever role they play in the breakdown of their families, and it also contributes to the 400 year tradition of defining black men as being socially inferior. A person could just as easily celebrate the great choices of positive black men as he could mulling over the actions of the irresponsible.Here is the issue: I do not feel that Barack would go into any other venue and paint any other group with a blanket indictment. He would no t say "too many Jews support killing Palestinians", or "too many Catholic Priests are molesting little children". So, I am not sure why it is ok to say that "too many black men are ignoring their responsibilities and not being fathers". While all three of these stereotypes may have some element of truth to them and one could claim you are "helping" the group by criticizing their collective behavior, it seems that "truth in stereotyping" is only acceptable when dealing with black folks.
Additionally, one-dimensional analysis is usually incorrect. If I were to define Bill Cosby as "the man who cheated on his wife, had an illegitimate child, abandoned that child to live without her father, and had the child thrown in jail", such a statement could be considered true. However, it would be flawed, myopic and ultimately incorrect. If doing this to one man is wrong, then doing it to 18 million men is damn near criminal. Black men and black women are equally worthy of love and protection and it is only via mutual respect that we are going to rebuild our families. Blaming men for all broken relationships is not the answer, and neither is defining all black women as "angry". We should all spend time looking in the mirror if we want to find the truth. Finally, racial conversation by political figures must be HONEST AND BALANCED. If you would not say som ething to a group of white men, then please don't say it to me. I refuse to accept someone else's label.
Bless you,
Dr. Boyce Watkins
To watch the Fox News video, click here
1) Why do we assume that a broken family implies that a man "ran away from his responsibility"? Is it not also the case that many relationships end due to actions of the woman as well? All of us know of at least one "insane baby's mama" - either you have dealt with one, been in a relationship with a man who was dealing with one, or perhaps you have BEEN ONE! This does not imply that the end of the relationship is most likely the fault of the woman, but it does take two to tango.
2) No. I didn't make my statements for political purposes or to make money. I don't get paid for what I do on the internet, and I am NOT a politician. I honestly don't trust politicians and life is too shor t for me to spend all my time hoping that people like me. Telling the truth is the only way I can sleep at night, even if it implies that some people don't like what I have to say. One thing you will always get from me is a straight shot, I assure you of that. I guarantee that if you know me long enough, you will eventually disagree with me.
3) Yes, I support Obama 100% . Critiquing someone and keeping them honest doesn't mean you hate them. I critique my mama and I love my mama. Also, even though I love Barack, I put him in the same category as most "selectively honest" politicians. If a man loves his pastor and church for 20 years, and then suddenly realizes that he should disown them, I can't believe that he just had the wool pulled over his eyes for two decades. I am not in the business of abandoning those who've remained loyal to me for 20 years straight, that's not how I was raised. That's also why I'll never be a successful politician.
4) Obama has made a commitment to being race neutral in this election. However, if he or anyone else chooses to address race in this election I ONLY ASK THAT THEY BE FAIR. For Barack (or anyone else) to shut down anyone who speaks honestly about racism, and then to contribute to racial stereotypes about black male irresponsibility is not balanced. For those who feel that Obama was "telling it like it is", please remember this: Dr. Jeremiah Wright was also "telling it like it is", but he was attacked, disowned and told that his words needed to be muted. Honesty should not know racial boundaries. If Barack Obama is not comfortable going into a group of white males and being honest about their weaknesses, then it is not acceptable for him to do that to black men. Being bi-racial, Obama has just as much moral authority to speak on the negative choices of white males as he does for black males.
5) There are ALWAYS going to be people in every group who do the wrong thing. White women are not stereotyped by the actions of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. I would never stereotype black women for the actions of a few "insane baby's mamas". So, the notion that it is ok to define black men by the actions of a select few is equally problematic. However, it is comfortable to say "these brothers need to start doing right" because it alleviates anyone else of the guilt of whatever role they play in the breakdown of their families, and it also contributes to the 400 year tradition of defining black men as being socially inferior. A person could just as easily celebrate the great choices of positive black men as he could mulling over the actions of the irresponsible.Here is the issue: I do not feel that Barack would go into any other venue and paint any other group with a blanket indictment. He would no t say "too many Jews support killing Palestinians", or "too many Catholic Priests are molesting little children". So, I am not sure why it is ok to say that "too many black men are ignoring their responsibilities and not being fathers". While all three of these stereotypes may have some element of truth to them and one could claim you are "helping" the group by criticizing their collective behavior, it seems that "truth in stereotyping" is only acceptable when dealing with black folks.
Additionally, one-dimensional analysis is usually incorrect. If I were to define Bill Cosby as "the man who cheated on his wife, had an illegitimate child, abandoned that child to live without her father, and had the child thrown in jail", such a statement could be considered true. However, it would be flawed, myopic and ultimately incorrect. If doing this to one man is wrong, then doing it to 18 million men is damn near criminal. Black men and black women are equally worthy of love and protection and it is only via mutual respect that we are going to rebuild our families. Blaming men for all broken relationships is not the answer, and neither is defining all black women as "angry". We should all spend time looking in the mirror if we want to find the truth. Finally, racial conversation by political figures must be HONEST AND BALANCED. If you would not say som ething to a group of white men, then please don't say it to me. I refuse to accept someone else's label.
Bless you,
Dr. Boyce Watkins
To watch the Fox News video, click here
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Future Black Love In The White House
The cost of an unlimited calling plan to stay in touch with the one that you love - $100.
The cost of enjoying a five-course meal with the one that you love - $300.
The cost of this picture and the love expressed in it by our next President Barack Obama and future First Lady Michelle Obama - PRICELESS.
Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined.” http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ISBN=9780615177014
Young Black Men Don't Want Black Women?
“We Like Black D***, Just Not Black Men”
Let’s be honest- who wouldn’t want a Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, or Taye Diggs type of man?
As black women, we’ve watched our brothers be romantically involved with white women for as long as we’ve been in this country. Just when we thought we were accepting it, Asian and Hispanic women picked up on the trend, and Black men started to choose them first. In a day and age where interracial dating is more or less accepted, we have to redirect our anger.
Now, black women are upset because we’ve taken home the bronze medal in comparison to the other races that seek out Black men. For the most part, young Black men are not choosing their Black women, while everyone else is choosing the brothers.
First, look at the music videos you see on BET, MTV or anything else. No longer are “video girls” really black. Hispanic and mixed women seem to be getting closer and closer to the camera. The Vida Guerra’s of the world have taken the front seat, and more brothers want long REAL hair, fair skin and another language to go along with the urban style.
Some people say Black and Hispanics are one in the same, but I think to put us in the same boat is to ignore the many differences that the two races have, especially historically and politically (for the most part, Hispanics picked Hillary over Barack. Does that say anything significant? I think so.)
Next, let’s look at white women- from whom I got the title of this article. It’s not the preferred conversation to overhear during a study break snack, but that statement is exactly what I heard one day while sitting in the student center.
“ Oh my god, I hooked up with a black guy last night…no, I don’t like black men, but I do like black d***!”
…Was this girl serious?
It just goes to show that the physical attraction is- in some cases- the only reason why these unions happen. Okay brothers, I’ll give you that. Some men enjoy having gorgeous exotic looking women of different backgrounds and ethnicities to trophy around with…but ask yourselves, are your parents going to approve of your relationship?
Maybe so, but what about her parents? Are they really as open-minded as she is? The truth is, not all parents are as accepting and open minded as their children.
Do not misinterpret what I’m saying, I do have a lot of white, Asian and Hispanic female friends who date Black men. They are girls with good heads on their shoulders, who are usually friendly, more reserved, smart and very genuine. They have no problem being my friend, and I have no problem being theirs.
It may just be from what I’ve seen around my campus, but the other-race girls who only go after Black men for their well-endowed features, are the ones who do not take the time to befriend black women.
Those girls stick to their own kind. They’d rather say the curiosity about the physical pleasure was the reason they did it. Those are the kind of girls I overheard saying the above statement.
Brothers, let’s not take this completely as a compliment. You should be offended by such a blatant proclamation. What does this say about you? ”I don’t like black men” means I don’t like black people, and “I just like black d***” means I don’t see you for who you are.
I’ve dated white men, Hispanic men, and even an Asian once. But ultimately and collectively, they don’t want black women either. Of course there are some exceptions to this, one of my best white male friends only dates black women.
Who you choose to date is completely up to you. This article isn’t about that- it is about the reality of human attraction. It is about why Black women in general are becoming the least desired women of all.
We’re too strong-minded, independent, practical, and unadventurous. We argue too much. We work too much. We’re not as fair skinned or pleasing to look at. We like to dress down more than dress up. We’re not always creative in bed. Our hair doesn’t always blow in the wind, and isn’t always our own. We talk too much. We don’t give oral pleasure (says who?), we don’t want to cook every day (actually I love to cook), and we won’t stay with you after you cheat on us (yea, maybe not).
But if that’s why you’d rather not have us, then by all means, as Tyler Perry would say, have your 20%.
Michelle Obama Baby Mama: Keith Olbermann Weighs in for Black Women
Keith Olbermann at MSNBC weighed in on Fox's attack on Michelle Obama. In their story, Fox tagged Mrs. Obama as Barack's "Baby Mama", which Olbermann defined as racist and yet another smear by Fox News.
The video is below. To read Dr. Boyce Watkins commentary on Michelle Obama, Click Here.
The video is below. To read Dr. Boyce Watkins commentary on Michelle Obama, Click Here.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Men We Choose. The Women They Want
Woman To Woman
The Men We Choose. The Women They Want.
By: Delores Jones, MSW
For $2,500 dollars a woman living in New York has the option to join The Harlem Club, a private business and social club where college educated, successful African American and Latino men, pay between $5,000 (advisory board member) to $3,500 (general yearly member) to gather to network and talk business. The men have two primary business goals – to marry and have children with a woman who is between the ages of “21 to 39 years of age, college educated, single with no kids and beautiful,” according to the club’s founder Thomas Lopez-Pierre. Lopez-Pierre says members of The Harlem Club believe belonging to the club is the best way for them to avoid “hoodrats rolling up on them talking about “yo yo yo baby, what’s up, what’s up,” and pulling on their arm, as if they are a side of beef.”
For a woman, getting into The Harlem Club is like applying for a job with a modeling agency. After a woman completes an application and submits a full body photo of herself in a swimsuit, the men decide if she is in or out. If she has skills but still has a few extra pounds to work on (overweight women are not welcome) she might be given the option to pay $2,500 to join. Women who are accepted into The Harlem Club receive “respect for their intellect and have a higher appreciation for their beauty,” Lopez-Pierre told one writer.
As unbelievable as the story may sound, it is true and has been the case since 2004, when The Harlem Club was organized by investment bankers, accountants, lawyers and other professional Black and Latino men living in New York. Is this unfortunate? Maybe. Is it insulting? Perhaps. The reality is this is just one group of men who have decided to honestly share their method for choosing a woman rather we like it or not.
Now before you decide to challenge a man with this sort of mindset, consider this. This is “his truth” as he sees it and it becomes “truth” to those who also believe this and accept it. Instead of using your mental and emotional energy to convince someone with this kind of perceptive to change, redirect your focus and become clear about what you value about yourself most and who is intellectually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally equipped to identify, appreciate and co-exist with the true essence of a “substantial (significantly great) woman.”
In order to do this you must know your self worth. “Who can find a virtuous (of noble character) woman? For her price is far above rubies….Strength and dignity are her clothing…...She speaks with wisdom; and her tongue is the law of kindness…..” (Proverbs 31:10, 25 & 26 KJV, NIV). She also realizes that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31: 30).
It’s not unrealistic for a man to share his preferences as in the case with the male members of The Harlem Club. However, it is unfortunate when we underestimate our self worth and are not willing to stand firmly upon standards and principles that affirm our true value which can only be defined from within ourselves and not by others personal opinions, advertisements and preferences. If we miss this, chances are we might sell ourselves short. If you have ever made a trip to a museum full of fine art work and statues, you’ve probably noticed that these items are usually not for sale, they are to be admired. Those interested in buying the items may purchase the prints or the look-a-likes but not the original. The original is priceless.
Having an understanding of your priceless originality (“I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” Psalms 139:14) and your role in the process of choosing a man and not necessarily being chosen by one will help you operate from a point of consideration and not desperation. Desperation is about grabbing hold of whatever is available and going through unnecessary changes for fear of not having what you really want and deserve. Consideration is seeking real truth and the supporting evidence before taking action.
Choosing and pursuing are not to be used interchangeably. They are not the same thing. To pursue means to follow in hopes of capturing. A man’s role is to pursue you and a woman’s role is to carefully consider the man in pursuit of her. Let’s not get it twisted.
No matter what his occupation is, what clubs or organizations he belongs to or what clothing designer’s name is written inside his suit or printed on his tee-shirt, know your role and act it out. For help with writing or re-writing your personal script for choosing a suitable man, check out the book, Choosing God’s Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. Don’t forget, the choice is yours. Choose wisely.
DELORES M. JONES, MSW, LMSW is a social worker, radio host, producer and adjunct college professor in Kansas City. Rising out of a childhood of homelessness and candlelit homework, she emerged as an award-winning journalist. She has shared her story on the Oprah Winfrey show and included in the book *Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors by Dr. Bill Cosby and Dr. Alvin Poussaint*. Visit her website http://www.deloresinspiresme.com/ for more information and highlights of her radio show Woman To Woman Talk. Email comments or questions to deloresinspiresme@yahoo.com.
The Men We Choose. The Women They Want.
By: Delores Jones, MSW
For $2,500 dollars a woman living in New York has the option to join The Harlem Club, a private business and social club where college educated, successful African American and Latino men, pay between $5,000 (advisory board member) to $3,500 (general yearly member) to gather to network and talk business. The men have two primary business goals – to marry and have children with a woman who is between the ages of “21 to 39 years of age, college educated, single with no kids and beautiful,” according to the club’s founder Thomas Lopez-Pierre. Lopez-Pierre says members of The Harlem Club believe belonging to the club is the best way for them to avoid “hoodrats rolling up on them talking about “yo yo yo baby, what’s up, what’s up,” and pulling on their arm, as if they are a side of beef.”
For a woman, getting into The Harlem Club is like applying for a job with a modeling agency. After a woman completes an application and submits a full body photo of herself in a swimsuit, the men decide if she is in or out. If she has skills but still has a few extra pounds to work on (overweight women are not welcome) she might be given the option to pay $2,500 to join. Women who are accepted into The Harlem Club receive “respect for their intellect and have a higher appreciation for their beauty,” Lopez-Pierre told one writer.
As unbelievable as the story may sound, it is true and has been the case since 2004, when The Harlem Club was organized by investment bankers, accountants, lawyers and other professional Black and Latino men living in New York. Is this unfortunate? Maybe. Is it insulting? Perhaps. The reality is this is just one group of men who have decided to honestly share their method for choosing a woman rather we like it or not.
Now before you decide to challenge a man with this sort of mindset, consider this. This is “his truth” as he sees it and it becomes “truth” to those who also believe this and accept it. Instead of using your mental and emotional energy to convince someone with this kind of perceptive to change, redirect your focus and become clear about what you value about yourself most and who is intellectually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally equipped to identify, appreciate and co-exist with the true essence of a “substantial (significantly great) woman.”
In order to do this you must know your self worth. “Who can find a virtuous (of noble character) woman? For her price is far above rubies….Strength and dignity are her clothing…...She speaks with wisdom; and her tongue is the law of kindness…..” (Proverbs 31:10, 25 & 26 KJV, NIV). She also realizes that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31: 30).
It’s not unrealistic for a man to share his preferences as in the case with the male members of The Harlem Club. However, it is unfortunate when we underestimate our self worth and are not willing to stand firmly upon standards and principles that affirm our true value which can only be defined from within ourselves and not by others personal opinions, advertisements and preferences. If we miss this, chances are we might sell ourselves short. If you have ever made a trip to a museum full of fine art work and statues, you’ve probably noticed that these items are usually not for sale, they are to be admired. Those interested in buying the items may purchase the prints or the look-a-likes but not the original. The original is priceless.
Having an understanding of your priceless originality (“I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” Psalms 139:14) and your role in the process of choosing a man and not necessarily being chosen by one will help you operate from a point of consideration and not desperation. Desperation is about grabbing hold of whatever is available and going through unnecessary changes for fear of not having what you really want and deserve. Consideration is seeking real truth and the supporting evidence before taking action.
Choosing and pursuing are not to be used interchangeably. They are not the same thing. To pursue means to follow in hopes of capturing. A man’s role is to pursue you and a woman’s role is to carefully consider the man in pursuit of her. Let’s not get it twisted.
No matter what his occupation is, what clubs or organizations he belongs to or what clothing designer’s name is written inside his suit or printed on his tee-shirt, know your role and act it out. For help with writing or re-writing your personal script for choosing a suitable man, check out the book, Choosing God’s Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. Don’t forget, the choice is yours. Choose wisely.
DELORES M. JONES, MSW, LMSW is a social worker, radio host, producer and adjunct college professor in Kansas City. Rising out of a childhood of homelessness and candlelit homework, she emerged as an award-winning journalist. She has shared her story on the Oprah Winfrey show and included in the book *Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors by Dr. Bill Cosby and Dr. Alvin Poussaint*. Visit her website http://www.deloresinspiresme.com/ for more information and highlights of her radio show Woman To Woman Talk. Email comments or questions to deloresinspiresme@yahoo.com.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Black American Empowerment, Education, Economics: Oprah
Dr. Boyce Watkins, Delores Jones (host of Woman to Woman) and Hip Hop Star Vigalantee discuss the black educational system, black america, black women, black youth Oprah Winfrey and Bill Cosby. This exciting interview with African American leaders lays out issues of critical importance in the black community, including the prison systems, the educational system, and much more.
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 1:
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 2:
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 3:
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 1:
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 2:
Black Education, Black Empowerment Part 3:
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